Kiss Me, I do

Moonbase Alpha's status report, 1090 days after leaving earth's orbit Dr. Helena Russell recording. Things are relatively calm here on Alpha as we are all grateful for the lull in our routine. The eagles are all operational, as Commander Koenig has seen to it that Alan and his team log in flying time with him to the far side of the moon for what he calls a military exercise. He has become obsessed with the efficiency of Alpha's pilots and security team.

Helena turned off the log recorder. She knew why the Commander was so gung ho about security. Since that final evening in his office she avoided him and he her. She was dealing with her own private hell to think about him now, her son for one. Yet was he her son.

Helena walked into the Medical Center closing the door behind her as she stepped in. Milly had recovered after long sessions with Helena. They both went through it so they faced it together. She gradually faced her nightmares and healed.

Helena was grateful for John's absence. She could somehow sense his restlessness when he was near. He had called a command conference for this evening when he returned, she was not looking forward to that.

"Ok, let's get on with it," John said, as he sat at the head of the table. His blues eyes looked sad, but he looked like a man on a mission. He had assigned everyone a task before he left now he wanted the reports.

They went around the room first Maya, then Victor, Sandra, Kano, Alan, Tony and Helena. Everyone got eye contact except her. You could cut the tension between these two with a knife.

As the meeting broke up Victor asked to speak to John to the relief of the men present, something had to give and Victor was the designated person to talk to John. Sandra and Maya were to talk to Helena.

"John," he began.

"I know what you're going to say, Victor. I have said it to myself a thousand times."

"John, the strain is beginning to show on the men. They are afraid to be around you, you're too intense. Helena, refuses to talk about it with me. Did she tell you what is bothering her?"

"Yes, Victor."

"Can you two work this out?"

"I don't know, Victor. I asked her to marry me."

"What did she say?"

"No."

"John, you have to decide. Leave her or win her back."

"I can't live without her, Victor. I just can't."

"You might have to, John."

Helena buzzed the girls into her quarters. She could see that they had something on their minds and she did not have to wonder what.

"Helena," Sandra began. "we are concerned with the situation between yourself and the Commander." They both sat down. Helena had just taken a shower she was in a silky robe when the buzz came at her door. She sat and listened to them.

When they were through, she responded. She told them of her ordeal on the planet Titan, she was nervous but she felt she had to tell them.

"Helena, can you give John another chance?" Maya asked.

"Maya, Sahn. Right now, I am in stasis. I have no feelings one way or the other."

"What is causing you to hold back? Is there something you are not remembering?" Maya asked.

Helena thought about this. No, she had remembered everything, unless it was something in her past that was bothering her.

"What about the boy, Helena? Have you grieved for his loss?" Sandra asked.

"No, Sahn I haven't. I can't," Helena was upset now and the girls wondered if they had said too much.

"Helena, until you find closure there you won't be able to move on." Maya said.

The girls got up to leave, each kissing her before they left.

Helena could not sleep. She decided to get dress and go for a walk. As she neared the observation deck in Main Mission, she saw a familiar figure sitting on the stairs. As she turned to leave, he spoke.

"Helena," The anguish in his voice made her turn.

"John, I...."

"Let me finish what I want to say."

Helena stood before him. He looked at her. Her beauty assailed him and he never loved her more than at this moment. He felt pain. She was lost and he could not reach her, this was a battle, a demon, she had to fight on her own.

"Helena, I love you. I loved you from the moment I saw you. I was so disturbed by my reaction to your presence I went over to your microscope and feigned an interest. Really, what I wanted to do was touch you. I had to compose myself before I looked at you again."

This brought a smile to Helena's face. She remembered the day as though it were yesterday. She had fallen in love with him then too.

John stood. He wanted to touch her now. This was the first time in months he had seen her smile. It was as though a piece of her had been left on that planet.

"What is it that ails you, my love?" John reached out a tentative finger and caressed her cheek. He saw the tears glistening in her eyes threatening to fall at any moment. Helena stared at him for what she thought was an eternity.

"Helen, honey, talk to me." Helena felt her heart would break if she had to look at him any longer. She was hurting him and she could not stop his pain.

Bleep! Bleep! Bleep!

John's comlock sounded. The moment was shattered as John reached for it.

"Koenig, here."

"Commander, is Dr. Russell with you?" Ben asked.

"Yes Ben, hold on."

"Yes Ben, what is it?"

"A slight medical emergency here, I thought you might want to handle it."

"What happened?"

"Prof. Bergman just came into the Medical Center complaining of heart burn."

"Alright, Ben I'll be there shortly."

'I'll come with you."

When the Commander and the doctor arrived, it was to see Victor sitting with his legs dangling from an examination table.

"Ah Helena, John, I am terribly sorry to have disturbed you but I am having a slight feeling of heart burn."

Ben Vincent walked over at that moment carry Victor's file of his last check-up. He handed it to Helena as she went to the sink to wash her hands.

"Lie back Victor and let us examine you. Ben, can you scan him while I fit these electrodes to his chest. Did you check his batteries the last time he came in?"

"Yes, doctor." John stood to the side while Helena and Ben went to work checking Victor. They were thorough. They gave him an EKG.

"Did you check the leads, Ben?"

"Everything checked out. Maybe it is just heart burn."

"Victor, what did you have to eat today?" She quarried.

As Victor went over his day's menu with her, John smiled and nodded at them as he took his leave. He knew Victor was in good hands.

Helena and Ben could find nothing wrong. His EKG checked out. His heart rhythm was steady and nothing he ate could have given him indigestion or heartburn for that matter. Helena decided to keep him over night for observation and left as Ben was on the night shift.

Helena was awakened by an alarm going off in her quarters but it was not her wake up call. It took her seconds to realise it was an emergency call from the Medical Center.

"Yes." It was Bob.

"Medical emergency, Prof. Bergman."

"I'm on my way." Helena was up and dressed in minutes. Her heart was pounding on the way out the door. She raced to Medical Center.

As she entered, Bob gave her the read-out. "His blood pressure is dropping. But that shouldn't be."

"Did you check his heart rate?"

"It's a constant 70."

"Then what's happening? Run another check on his pacemaker. Dr. Russell to Maya."

"Yes, Helena."

"Are we going through any electrical or magnetic field?"

"I'll check."

"There seems to be an anomaly of some kind but computer cannot locate the source. Why is something wrong?"

"Yes, Victor's heart is being affected somehow, yet his heart rate is stable. There must be something causing his pacemaker to send electrical impulses where it doesn't belong. Thanks, Maya. Bob, what have you got?"

"Nothing everything checks out."

"Something is wrong here. Check everything again, we might have missed something."

Suddenly the monitors went haywire. Alarms went off everywhere. His heartbeat was increasing, his blood pressure, sky rocketed.

"He's having a stroke, Bob! Prep him for surgery! There is a blockage somewhere. Get the nurses and take some x-rays while I give him an injection!" Helena was distraught and barked the orders, as she was galvanized into action.

Helena, Bob and Ben worked for an hour on Victor as they consulted the x-ray in order to find the blockage. They were finally successful in locating it when Victor went into a coma during the operation. Koenig watched in horror as Helena and her team brought him back to life three times during the ordeal.

Helena sat in her office after the surgery. Victor was still in a coma and it was touch and go as to whether he would regain consciousness. Even if he did, Helena was not sure he would not be a vegetable.

She watched him from her office. She was on duty tonight and she had not been back to bed since the operation. Bob said he would take her shift but she could not sleep any way. Her conversation with John, yesterday keep clouding her mind.

He would be here soon. He was coming to sit with Victor as soon as his shift was over. Victor was a dear friend, like a father to John. Helena could see the hurt in him deepen at the thought of the loss of his fiend.

John came in just as Helena was putting his chart back on the tray.

"How is he?"

"Stable."

"How are you?"

"Tired."

John looked away from her then. If he looked at her much longer, he would take her in his arms and never let her go. He did not want to appear pathetic before her. The last thing he wanted was her pity.

John sat down on the chair by Victor's bedside. Helena went around to the other side and took up vigil there. Together they sat and watched Victor in silence.

Sometime later Koenig broke the silence. "If he makes it during the night will he be OK?"

"Yes, but only if he comes out of the coma as well."

"Helena."

"John."

"Talk to me."

John could see that it pained her that he was again reaching for her.

"Why wont you talk to me? Do you still love me? I want to know."

The soft glow of the lights in the Medical Center shone of her hair and it was all he could do to restrain himself. If she did not talk to him now that was it, he was through with this.

"Helena, if you do not talk to me now. I swear I won't bother you again. Until you say 'Ask me again', I will never ask you to marry me."

Helena looked up and saw the truth in his eyes. She was losing him. He could stand the pain, no longer and she was destroying the man she loved along with herself.

"I can't John."

"Why not?"

"I don't know what is causing me all this distress. I can't pinpoint it."

"When did you start feeling this way?"

"The moment I came to in the Medical Centre and when I realised I had given life to another being it got worst."

"Is it the child?"

Helena blinked twice. The child. Is it the child?

"Yes, it's the child. I watched them wheel him out of that lab and my heart left me John. I know it."

"Explain, tell me everything you are feeling now."

"Lee and I discussed having children, John. I told him I wanted to wait. He died before we could. As a matter of fact, we had terrible arguments about my decision. He was more interested that I was. I felt so guilty after his death. I was unwilling to give him a child."

Helena sighed and Koenig just looked at her giving his silent support. She continued.

"Then when I met you John, I felt even guiltier, if that is possible. I found myself wondering what it would be like to have a child with you. I started desiring it even. I dared to hope I could have a life with you, children or no children. Then this happened. I had a child and lost it."

The tears flowed as Helena began to weep inconsolably. John stood and went by her side.

How can I help, he wondered. He gently caressed her hair. He planted a kiss in her hair, she cried even harder. Finally, he gathered her into his arms. She wept bitterly.

"Oh Helena, baby stop crying. Honey, it will be OK."

The monitors bleeped as they stood there. Helena composed herself as she looked down at his vitals.

"He's coming out of his coma, John!" she said elated.

John hugged her and spun her around. He was glad that Victor was showing signs of improvement.

"Helena, will you let me help you?"

"You can't help me, John. No one can."

"Have you grieved for him?"

"I cannot accept his loss. A piece of me is on that planet. I hate them for robbing me of the joy of conceiving and having a child!" she cried.

John held her but she struggled against him. "Helena, you are destroying yourself over this."

"I can't help it John! I can't!" She finally escaped his grasp and ran towards her office closing the door behind her. Koenig refuse to follow her. He saw he could not help her if she did not accept the loss. He remembered her devotion to little Jackie Crawford. Could she really handle this loss? He was even more distressed now. Koenig headed out and to Main Mission.

Helena, leaned against the door. The tears were flowing and she was so sad. "Forgive me John," she said aloud to no one.

Helena composed herself. She went back to her desk and started reading reports checking on Victor at regular intervals. She looked at her last file. It was Judy Tryst's file she was scheduled for testing and her annual check up. She decided to start preparations for her. Keeping herself busy was her only salvation.

Victor's signs were looking good. Helena decided to try to wake him.

"Ed."

"Yes, Helena."

"Let's bring him around, see if there was any brain damage."

Helena and Ed Spencer began the procedure. Victor was slowly in coming around. Helena reached for her comlock.

"Commander Koenig to Medical Center please," she called.

"John is not here, Helena. He's on the far side of the moon. Is there an emergency?" Tony asked.

"No Tony, we are bringing Victor around. I thought John might want to be here."

"I'll call him."

"OK, thank you."

John was feeling tired and frustrated he had just spent the last 48 hours running himself ragged. Tony had called yesterday about Victor but he could not get away he told Tony to keep him posted. If he allowed himself to go back now he would not be responsible for his actions.

Koenig decided to concentrate on the job at hand. The catacombs were as good as any to do these trainings with the team. He was checking out an area they were not familiar with mapping it out as a location for extensive training.

Koenig could see that the caves walls were crumbly and the terrain too loose. He decided to head back and tell Alan to try the next one.

"Tony!"

"What is it, Maya?"

"There is an anomaly headed this way. It seems to be a wave in space. An electrical, seismic disturbance, of some kind. It will hit in five minutes."

"Red Alert!"

The Klaxons went off and Veredeschi spoke into the comm. link.

"Attention all sections Alpha, Aatention all sections Alpha. We are about to be hit by a shockwave. Lance position and emergency check of life support and power circuits. Medical Center prepare for casualties."

As Alpha became galvanized into action the rumbling began. The sound build up and sent shock waves through the Moonbase. The Alphans covered their ears as the sound increased. In ten minutes the shockwave past through Alpha, windows shattered and tables overturned as the moon was rocked on its axis.

The cave-ins started in the catacombs as the first wave hit. John had no way of escaping as the walls came crashing down around him. He was knocked unconscious as he fell to the floor of the cave.

"Medical section report, Life Support report, main power back-up unit report please."

Veredeschi started picking people up off the floor and straightening the area as everyone tried to gain their footing.

"Tony to John! Come in, Commander!" Only the crackling of static electricity greeted Tony. He tried again with still no answer.

'Medical here a few casualties coming in, Tony, but nothing serious as yet," Helena responded.

The reports kept coming in. "Tony."

"Yes, Sahn."

"Tony, cave-in at catacombs 3, 9 and 10. Didn't the Commander and Alan go down there today?" Sahn asked.

"Yes and I can't reach the Commander. Try, Alan."

"Main Mission calling Alan Carter, come in Alan." Sandra kept this up for five minutes.

"Mr. Veredeschi, Simms here from the catacombs. I'm afraid I have bad news Sir. The Commander and Alan are trapped in catacomb 9. Send a rescue team we are trying to dig them out now!"

"That's all Helena needs right now," Tony signed.

"Why should we tell her Tony?" Maya looked at him a sad look on her face.

"Right, emergency rescue Eagle to launch Pad... Which pad is clear Sahn?"

"Pad four."

"To pad four. How do we keep her from finding out who we are rescuing?"

"Send Mathias."

"She assigns her people. You know that. I better tell her myself."

Tony went to the console. "Helena."

"Yes Tony?"

"Are you going on that rescue Eagle?"

"Yes Tony, why do you ask?"

"It's going to the catacombs Helena. I don't think you should go."

"Why Tony?" even as she said it she knew, she had felt it. Before the shockwaves had hit she had sensed the danger. Somehow she new it was John.

"John's been involved in a cave-in."

Helena felt the panic rise to her throat. Tony saw the fear in her eyes as what he said registered. "I have to go Tony."

As the rescue Eagle flew over the landing area Helena's heart constrict. She was afraid of what she would find down there. "John Koenig," she said out loud, "don't you die on me now!"

The rescue Eagle landed and they suited up for the walk to the catacombs. They entered the doors and depressurized. Helena removed her suit watching through the glass doors as the rescue unit began working feverishly with the others to drill holes and move rocks.

"We found something!" One of the men yelled. They dug harder until they saw a hand sticking out from beneath a pile of moon dirt.

Helena felt for a pulse. "He's alive!" she said.

They dug harder until Alan Carter's head protruded from the dirt. Helena saw to it that he got oxygen. She was worried about John but she was determined to be efficient and thorough Alan was a friend. She felt the life drain out of her slowly. She knew John was dying. She felt it. She knew it in her soul. John, where are you?

They extracted Carter from the moon dirt and transferred him to the Eagle. They were moving bigger rocks now. The earth was crumbling all around them. Helena started to dig also.

"Dr. Russell the floor is getting too dangerous. We have to send for other equipment with a longer reach. We might cause another cave-in."

"No, I can't leave him. I can't." She started digging harder, the tears flowing, mingling with the dirt. The crew redoubled their efforts.

"I think we found him!" Simms shouted after a while. They were digging in another section. The crew brought in the claws and removed the boulders. Sure enough, it was the Commander under there. Helena's heart lurched. John, is he dead?

The crew unearth Koenig from the rubble. He was in a bad way. They could not find a pulse. Helena had to perform CPR to get him breathing again.

He was rushed by eagle to the Medical Center. Helena was relieved that they had found him in time.

They shot him full of drugs as Helena put him on the feedback complex. He had a severe concussion, broken ribs and numerous bruising. He was lucky to be alive. At that moment, Helena vowed never to lose him again.

Helena sat by his side and he laid there. He looked so fragile. She had hurt him terribly. She had shut him out of her life, would he ever forgive her. It took her almost losing him for her to figure out the facts. No matter what she needed him in order to go on living. She could not without him.

Helena cried. She cried for the loss of her child, the loss of Lee and the loss of her own sanity in it all. In her tears, she healed. She lovingly cleaned his wounds and bandaged his ribs. He was lucky to be alive and she knew it.

Hours later John awoke to her sobbing. Her head was bent. Her fingers clutched around his. He squeezed her hand. She looked up smiling through her tears.

"You're a sight for sore eyes," he said.

Helena laughed. "Oh John, John, John!" Was all she could say.

They held hands as John slowly drifted off to sleep. When he awoke again, he saw she had cried herself to sleep. He hoped she had found her closure now. He drifted back to sleep too drugged to feel any pain.

When John opened his eyes again, it was to a busy Medical Center. The casualties were being discharged only the serious ones were being kept back. John was one of them.

His eyes turned to Victor. Victor was due for discharge and looked none the worst for his ordeal. He was ordered to rest at home for a month. Everyone knew though he would be back to work soon. Koenig smiled at him.

"Good to see you made it John."

"It's good to see you too Victor." He grinned.

He looked over at Helena. She was different. She had her old swing back and a bounce in her steps. She smiled over at him once she felt his eyes on her. She came over and looked at the machine readings on him.

"John, how do you feel?"

"Like a tractor rolled over me."

"Well that was almost the case. I almost lost you."

"I could never leave you Helena." She smiled.

"Get some rest." John was obedient and closed his eyes.

John spent the next week in the Medical Center under Helena's watchful eyes. He spent a most pleasant time in the center with Helena at his, beck and call. His every need was met and she was almost back to her old self. He still saw the pain sneak its way into her beautiful green eyes every now and then though.

John was discharged to his quarters a week and a half later. He was to rest in his quarters and a nurse was assigned to assist him. Helena visited him daily. She was patient with him and tried not to rush him in anyway.

John healed nicely, but he was still wondering about his relationship with Helena. This emotional roller coaster was driving him nuts.

Some thing's gatta give, he thought.

A week later, just a day before he was due back to work. It was her day off. She told John she would be over later to spend the day with him. John hoped against all hope that she was ready but he dear not hold his breath.

Helena came in as the doors to his quarters opened and shut behind her.

"How are you feeling?" She asked. John could only look at her. She was wearing a beautiful green dress. The fabric made from all man made materials clung to her frame. It was knee length and his breath caught in his throat as she moved sultrily towards him.

"John?" He looked away.

"I'm fine Helena. You already know that." John was out of uniform too. He had taken a shower and was wearing jeans and a shirt. He had no shoes on. Helena looked at him shyly a little embarrassed by his stares earlier.

"John, we need to talk."

The moment of truth, he thought.

They sat down on his lounge chair. She looked at him. Am I ready for this, she wondered. She was afraid, but she was more afraid of losing him.

"I'm sorry f..."

"Helena, please, no apologies. I told you I would wait for you and I mean it. We do not have to talk now if you are not ready."

Helena looked into his eyes. She felt so safe there. Oh, she loved him more than she could say. Why was she so lucky to find real love the second time around?

"John."

"Yes, Helena." John took her hand and caressed her cheek. She started crying. He wiped away the tears with his thumb.

"When I thought of how I almost lost you. I realized that this was it. I couldn't afford to lose you or to keep hurting you like this. I became afraid. More afraid than I had ever been in my life."

"Helena."

"John, let me finish. I love you. I can't live without you. No matter what we go through as long as I have you I can handle it." She looked into his eyes and planted a tentative kiss on his lips. John had never felt so happy as he did at that moment.

She loved him and wanted him, he was elated.

"I can go through anything, John, anything as long as you are here, with me."

Koenig saw in her eyes what he had hoped to see all this time, himself.

"John."

"Yes, Helena."

"Ask me again?"

John's heart raced. "Are you sure my love?"

"Ask me again John? Ask me again?" John got up and went to his chest of drawers. He started searching around for something. Something his father had given him that he had not given to Jean. It went missing and he only found it when he started packing to come to Alpha. He came back to her when he found it.

John Koenig went down on one knee. Helena looked at him through her tears.

"This was my mother's," he said. "Helena Susan Russell will you grant me the honor and the pleasure of your hand in marriage?"

"Yes, John Robert Koenig I will marry you." Tears came to John's eyes and fell unheeded down his cheek.

They kissed and both their tears mingling.

Koenig was back to work this time with a smile on his lips and a spring in his step. Helena had agreed to marry him in three months. She would soon be Mrs. John Koenig and he was elated.

All around both medical and Main Mission all was well as the staff bask in the good nature of both their bosses. No more pins and needles, everyone was at ease.

Helena was making plans for the wedding and John was leaving everything to her. They met in his quarters at night to discuss the preparations and stole kisses during each detail.

Helena could not remember it being this way with Lee. She decided to enjoy it as long as it lasted. John on the other hand was getting close to making love to her. Kissing was one thing but he was going too far.

"John."

"Yes, Helena?"

"I think you know what I'm about to say."

"Helena, you know I can't read your mind why do you do this love."

"OK don't get your self wound up, just listen." John's eyes drifted to the front of her blouse. He started undoing the top bottom. Her hands went up to stop him.

"We need some space."

"What! We have had nothing but space."

"Not that type of space John, listen."

"Alright I'm listening."

"John, you can't listen nibbling on my neck with your hand down my blouse."

Koenig straightened up as he saw she was serious about something.

"Yes honey, you have my undivided attention."

"John, it is getting hot in here. I can hardly leave here at nigh intact, you are getting more and more insistent and it scares me."

"What?"

"John, you can't keep your hands off me."

"What?"

"I have to beat you off me with a stick in order to leave here you're so enamoured."

"What? That is not true. I can keep my hand off you. I thought you wanted to make out?"

"What?"

"You heard me."

"Yes, I want to make out but you know I want to wait..."

"Good grief, Helena I know that. Are you saying you think I can't control myself until we are married?"

"Can you?"

"What?'

"Don't start that again."

"Start what?"

"That!"

"Helena, cut me some slack here. I am a man I have needs.... But there is a but. I will never put those needs above yours."

"Prove it."

"What?"

"John!"

"OK. How?"

"We need to agree not to touch until we marry. If for any reason one of us breaks this pact we are not to see each other until the wedding day."

"What!"

"Honeeey!"

"Are you crazy?!" Koenig stood shouting at the top of his lungs and started pacing. He saw that look on her face. She thought this was a great idea.

She sat there pouting. Koenig was distraught now. First, the look, now the pout. He was dead in the water before he ever got out of the port. Oh! What the hell! He would wait her out, she needed his touch just as much as he needed to touch her. We'll see who will crack first, he thought.

"Alright, Helena. You have a deal."

She was elated and left his quarters singing.

Koenig smiled, a wicked evil smile. He had a few tricks up his sleeves. "We'll see, soon to be Mrs. Helena Koenig who can't keep their hands off whom."