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It's Gotta Be The Beer

Authors: Andrew Caruthers
Crossovers: Not Specified
Show Year: Y3
Rating: PG
Date: 2003
The Alphans get an unexpected visitor.
Average Rating: 3.5/5 (based on 2 reviews)

"What is it, Victor?" John Koenig asked his old friend and mentor, as the object drew closer and closer to Alpha.

"No idea yet, John," replied the scientist, nose buried in a computer screen. "It's headed this way, and damn fast, too."

"John?" asked Helena, drawing close.

"Prepare medical, Helena," siad Koenig, and turned back to the screen.

Out on the Lunar surface, something was approaching the base. Something ominous. What it was was a mystery at the moment, for it was entirely underground, betraying its presence solely by a huge undulating bulge in the regolith that seemed to move along, leaving turned and broken soil in its wake. The point of motion kept up its approach, seemingly undeterred by rocks, boulders, or even Alpha's Bergman Force Field.

"My God!" said Tony Verdeschi, watching, as the whatever-it-was reached the force field perimeter. It struck the edge of the field, seemed to shudder a moment, then shove its way through, eliciting a huge spark and puff of smoke from the field, but no more. "Nothing's stopping it."

"Security reports all personnel ready, Commander," said Maya. Koenig just nodded, watching transfixed as the object continued its approach to Alpha, now passing Launch Pad 3. it drew closer, and closer, seemingly uninterested in slowing down as it approached the very walls of Alpha. There was a shake, and the sound of an alarm.

"Outer wall breach, Commander," said Sandra. "Object is now inside Alpha!"


"Headed towards Command Center," replied the pretty controller.

"John!" cried Victor, looking up from a monitor. "It's alive!'

"What?" cried Koenig, in disbelief, as he opened a small locker, and began handing weapons to everyone here. "Alive? In hard vacum?'

"Yes. Definate life signs." Even as he spoke, they could feel the floor tremble, and hear the sounds of the approaching...whatever it was. Moving out into the corridor, they saw the full horror of it all. The floor was cracking and buckling upwards, as whatever creature had invaded Alpha moved closer. They all took aim as it drew nearer. Nearer. Nearer. Then...

It stopped. For a moment, it ceased to move, then chunks of the floor flew up into the air, followed by more bits of wreckage. Wires, pieces of conduit, plastic and ceramic. All flying up out of the widening hole as if propelled by great force.

"Hold your fire, Everyone," ordered Koenig. "Don't shoot unless it..."

He never finished. The hole was now wide enough for a man, but what emerged was certainly no man. Something sailed up out of the pit, and thudded to rest at Victor's feet. He bent down to look at it.

"A bottle of...suntan lotion?" he said, his face crinkled in bafflement. Even as he spoke, something else came sailing out of the newly formed opening. it too thudded at their feet. It was a book Hare Raising Tails.

"What in heaven's..." began Maya, when she was forced to leap back to avoide being struck by a flying mint julep. In an eyeblink, it was Tony's turn, as an umbrella flew upwards, to open and settle to the floor. "If I didn't know better," said Maya, "I'd say Tony's ..."

"It's gotta be the beer," said Sahn, nodding, and ignoring a glare from the Brewmeister.

She broke off, as the life-form at last emerged from the wrecked floor. A light-gray color, it seemed covered in a light fur, and sported huge eyes. It leapt up, landing on bizarrely elongated furry feet, and proclaimed in a loud voice...

"Miami Beach at last!" So said, it began running down the corridor, repeating its odd comment of a moment before. "Miami Beach! Sun! Surf! Girls! Carrots! Mia...Mi.....uhhhhhh." It stopped, at the junction of two corridors, and looked right, then left, then slowly turned around, fixing its gaze on the silent Moonbase personnel. It took a few tentative steps their way, and stopped. Wearing only a tastelessly polka-dotted pair of Bermuda shorts, it stared at them, it's whiskered nose twitching back and forth, over a pair of enormous buck teeth. Behind the face, two very long ears were slowly drooping, lying flat against it's skull. Behind, there wafted forth a white bushy tail.

"Uh....welcome to Moonbase Alpha," said Koenig, slowly lowering his weapon, who then introduced himself.

"'s a...rabbit?" breathed Sahn, shocked.

In response, the visitor reached into his drawers, pulled out a large carrot, adopted a cocky posture, and began munching on it loudly.

"Boy oh boy!" it said, in a decidedly Brooklyn accent. "I just knew I shoulda taken that left toin at Albeqoique!" Munch, munch. "Errr, what's up, Doc?"

Copyright (c) 2003. Reprinted with permission.
Space:1999 is (c) 1976 by Carlton International Media.
All stories are the property of their respective authors.

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