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Those We Leave Behind

Authors: Wirral Bagpuss
Categories: John/Helena
Episodes: Set after Breakaway
Show Year: Y1
Rating: PG-13
Date: 2007
Helena is upset and John has to find out why.
Average Rating: No reviews.

Authors Note: This story is written in memory of my Mother who died on August 20th 2002. I miss her greatly and I hope by writing this story I have captured her spirit the sense of who she was and of the love my parents had for each other.

It was the end of a long and tiring shift and John Koenig was looking forward to spending time with Helena Russell. It has been three months since they moved in together and he had not known a time when he had been happier since Breakaway.

John stopped at the door to his room and reached for his Comlock to let himself in. Just as he was doing so he heard a sob and the sound of crying. It was Helena! Hurriedly John pressed the button on his comlock and rushed into the room, his face full of concern. He saw Helena with her head in her hands clutching an old photo, sobbing quietly. John rushed to her side.

"Helena, what is it? What's wrong?

He gently but protectively gripped Helena's shoulders. Helena looked up and met John's blue eyes and she broke down completely and laid her head on John's chest and put her arms round his waist. John instinctively put his arms around Helena and held Helena's head closer to him and gently rocked her and placed his face against hers. He lovingly brushed back her blonde hair and gently murmured to Helena

"It's all right I've got you, I'm here".

After what seemed like an eternity Helena stopped crying and looked up at John

"I'm sorry John, I just completely lost my self control, I tried not to but I could not help myself".

John took Helena's hands into his and looked at the photograph Helena had been holding. He looked at the picture, realising he had seen it before and recognised the people in the photo. Helena had shown him her family album one night after sharing a few bottles of wine and they had both shared happy memories of their respective families. He remembered. It was of Helena's parents. But why was Helena crying? John thought to himself.

"Helena, please tell me, what's wrong? What is upsetting you?

Helena gripped John's hands tightly and quietly said to him

"Today it is August 20th, the day my Mother died. It has been five years since she died of cancer and it still hurts me. But today it hurts even more. I miss her so much. For so long I felt so alone, a part of me died. But when I met you, it did not feel as lonely anymore, but I still find today difficult. But without you it would be unbearable".

John normally piercingly blue eyes filled with a cloudy mist and he fought back a sob which threatened to choke him completely. He pulled Helena towards him proactively once more

"Oh Helena, why didn't you say this morning? I would have changed shifts with Paul or Alan for the day and been with you. I know what it's like to lose a parent, mine both died when I was a young boy in a car accident. You know that".

Helena smiled at John weakly.

"John, I'm a doctor, I can't be taking the day off just like that. I'm always on call! And you have responsibilities too"

John sighed. Helena was right. They both had professional responsibilities but they had been through so much in the last year. But couldn't they just forget who they were for once and not be Commander and Doctor but simply John and Helena?

A bleep from the communications terminal interrupted John's chain of thought. He got up somewhat reluctantly to answer it. It was Victor.

"John, Helena. If you don't want to I understand but I know Helena had a difficult day today, I was wondering if you both wanted to share a drink and talk?"

John looked at Helena wondering if she was up to seeing Victor, but Helena looked up and smiled.

"I would love you to come Victor".

John was glad of Victor's company. He knew Victor was like a father to Helena and he knew he was fond of her too. John was relieved to hear Helena soon laughing again, more herself. They all shared a common bond of having lost someone, Victor had lost his wife, Helena her Mother and John had the pain of losing both his parents and his wife. They talked long into the night sharing their pain and the memories. Towards the end of the evening, Victor suggested lighting some candles in remberance of their loved ones. One by one the candles were lit. The three close friends sat silently for a while watching the candles slowly burn, each of them immersed in their private thoughts.

Finally it was Helena who broke the spell by turning to John and Victor and spoke quietly

"My Mother once wrote Life Is For Living. It is something I believe in personally and professionally as a Doctor. We may be lost out here in the Cosmos but we have been granted the gift of life. We must make the best of what we have, however hard or difficult that may be. It would be the best tribute and memorial to those we leave behind to uphold that thinking. So I raise a glass in remembrance but to make it our lives worth living for. Life is For Living!"

The three friends raised their glasses in unison and the clink of glasses reverberated around the room. The meeting came to a close and Victor bade his farewells and left shortly afterwards.

An hour later both Helena and John were in bed. Helena rested her head against John.

"You ok?" asked John softly.

"I'm fine now John. As long as I'm with you I will never be truly alone. Till death do us part".

John smiled and placed his hand on Helena's face, and looked into her eyes

"Till death do us part, you will be forever mine, I love you Dr Helena Russell".

Helena moved closer to John. Helena knew she would always miss her Mother but with John she would never be truly alone and it was with this final thought that she embraced John long into the night.

Two soul mates tightly bound by love of one another and who even in death will never be apart. A spirit as old as the Universe itself.

Copyright (c) 2007. Reprinted with permission.
Space:1999 is (c) 1976 by Carlton International Media.
All stories are the property of their respective authors.

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