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Simmonds!

Authors: Robert C. Gilbert
Categories: MST3K
Episodes: Set spoof Earthbound
Show Year: Y1
Rating: PG
Date: 1999
A MiSTing-style parody of the episode "Earthbound".
Average Rating: No reviews.

Earthbound
Hook
1. EXT. MOON (SFX)
EXT. COMMAND OFFICE
Simmonds looks out a viewport. Behind him Koenig, Helena, Alan & Paul are clearing papers from the Command Conference table. KOENIG: "Okay, Paul. You make a copy of that."

-=Richard Lamer: "Makin' Copies!"

PAUL: "Right, thank you."
HELENA: "Here, Helena. You don't need one."
SIMMONDS (walking back to them): "Alright, just a minute."
INT. COMMAND OFFICE
SIMMONDS: "Now, once again, I've sat in at a Command Conference and listened to a cosy round of self congratulation. Aren't we doing well. Um? Adapting. Adjusting. Coming to terms. And once again, I am shocked that we have not discussed a serious attempt to locate Earth and return there."
KOENIG: "Simmonds. We can't afford to waste our time on something scientifically impossible."
SIMMONDS: "Impossible? The impossible takes just a little longer, that's all, Commander."

-=Koenig: "Shut up Simmonds."

HELENA: "Commissioner. We can't encourage false hope. All of us have had to come to terms with life here on Alpha."
SIMMONDS: "Hope is the key to morale. We should maintain it, we should exploit it, ruthlessly, in order to achieve what should be our sole objective. Going home."
KOENIG: "Commissioner. Our priorities are survival and the search for an alternative place to live. A return to Earth is out of the question."
SANDRA (on comms post screen): "Commander Koenig. Sensors detect a powered object approaching Alpha at speed three point seven two. Range four nine zero three."
Koenig starts off.
INT. MAIN MISSION
Koenig leads the others in as the big doors open.
KOENIG: "What kind of a powered object?"
SANDRA: "Indications are that it is a manned space craft, Commander."
KOENIG: "Kano, when will we have a visual?"
DAVID: "Estimate..a minute or less."
KOENIG: "Radio contact?"
PAUL: "None, sir."
KOENIG: "Keep all frequencies open. Alan. Put Eagles One and Two on the pad for immediate lift off. I want to show our visitors every kind of welcome."
ALAN: "And if they're hostile, sir?"
KOENIG: "You'll be the first to know." ((Alan leaves))

-=Koenig Chuckles.

SANDRA: "Visual."
-Big Screen (SFX): Small blue object approaches, streak of a nebula top left.
-Main Mission
DAVID (coming down from computer): "Data analysed and ready for print out, Commander."
KOENIG: "Let's have it." ((David goes to screen under Big Screen))
COMPUTER (narration & text on screen): "Subject- Unidentified Powered Object. Object Will Orbit Alpha's Position At Coordinates Nine Zero Seven Nine. Data Confirms- Object Manned."
KOENIG: "Still no contact?"
PAUL: "None, sir."
KOENIG (using Paul's desk): "Eagle One?"
ALAN (VO): "Commander?"
KOENIG: "Intercept that space craft. Lift off."
EXT. LAUNCH PAD (SFX)
Eagle, with striped pod, lifts off.
KOENIG (VO): "Eagle Two. Lift off."
EXT. LAUNCH PAD (SFX)
Second striped Eagle lifts off.
INT. EAGLE PILOT SECTION
Alan, with copilot.
EXT. SPACE (SFX)
Both Eagles rise over lunar mountains.
Kaldorian ship flies from streak of nebula.
Eagles closing through space.
INT. EAGLE PILOT SECTION
Alan & copilot look at each other.
EXT. SPACE (SFX)
Kaldorian ship flies on. Moments after the two Eagles fly after it.
FADE OUT
ACT ONE
------------------------------------------
EARTHBOUND

-=Barbara Bain turns away from Koenig almost as If on a pedestal.

guest artist Roy Dotrice
special guest star Christopher Lee
screenplay by Anthony Terpiloff
story consultant Christopher Penfold
moon city costumes designed by Rudi Gernreich
------------------------------------------
directed by David Tomblin
------------------------------------------
EXT. SPACE (SFX)
Kaldorian ship flies to Moon, revolving.
INT. EAGLE PILOT SECTION
ALAN: "Spacecraft flight unstable."
EXT. SPACE (SFX)
Kaldorian ship.
INT. EAGLE PILOT SECTION
ALAN: "They're in trouble. They're not going into orbit."
KOENIG (on screen): "Distress signals?"
ALAN: "None."
KOENIG (on screen): "Follow it down, Eagle One."
EXT. SPACE (SFX)
The Kaldorian ship is followed by the Eagles in a shallow dive.
INT. EAGLE PILOT SECTION
ALAN: "It's going to crash."
KOENIG (on screen): "Stand clear, Eagles One and Two."
EXT. SPACE (SFX)
Two Eagles level off as the Kaldorian continues down.
INT. EAGLE PILOT SECTION
Alan looks down.
EXT. MOON SURFACE (SFX)
Kaldorian ship moves at angle over surface and fires jets to avoid impact.
Jets fire again and one leg hits the ground, followed roughly by the 2 others.
INT. MAIN MISSION
KOENIG: "Paul. Order a crash unit to Launch Pad Three immediately. Call Carter in, I want him to fly it."

-=Alan: "Yippee."

PAUL: "Yes sir."
KOENIG: "And tell Professor Bergman to meet us there. Kano. Any readings of life signs from the crash site?"
DAVID: "Negative, Commander."
KOENIG: "Paul, get security to join us."
PAUL: "Right."
KOENIG: "Doctor Russell, I'd like you to come with us." ((they start to arch))
SIMMONDS: "Koenig. I think I'd better come too."
KOENIG: "Commissioner, right now I need a doctor and a scientist out there. Not a politician." ((leaves))

-=Koenig: "In other words Simmonds ---- no one likes you and your mother dresses you funny!"

INT. TRAVEL TUBE (SFX)
Unit speeds along.
Unit speeds along.
Unit comes to a halt
EXT. LAUNCH PAD (SFX)
Boarding tube connected with starboard of red striped Eagle.
INT. EAGLE PASSENGER SECTION
Koenig, Helena and Victor enter port door, as an astronaut puts a laser in his holster in foreground. Koenig takes spacesuits from the locker & joins Victor, already suited, & 2 other astronauts as lasers are passed round
ALAN (VO): "Carter here. We'll be lifting off in five seconds."
KOENIG (to others): "All set?"
EXT. LAUNCH PAD (SFX)
Eagle lifts off.
INT. EAGLE PASSENGER SECTION
KOENIG (now wearing suit): "You believe it's just chance?"
VICTOR (wearing helmet): "No. They picked us out, John."
KOENIG: "If they were going to attempt to land on Alpha they must know what they're looking for."
HELENA: "I wish we knew."
EXT. SPACE (SFX)
Eagle flies low over lunar surface, passing a gravity tower.
Eagle flies low over surface.
Eagle reaches Kaldorian ship & turns round.
INT. EAGLE PILOT SECTION
ALAN: "Looks like some kind of a hatch on the port side, Commander. I'll put her down, see if I can get a connection."

-=Koenig: "What do you think the chances of us *NOT* being able

to "get" a connection are?"

EXT. SPACE (SFX)
Eagle lands by Kaldorian ship.
INT. EAGLE PILOT SECTION
Alan operates.

-=Dr. Carter?

EXT. MOON SURFACE (SFX)
A boarding tube extends from the starboard of the Eagle to the alien hull.
INT. EAGLE PILOT SECTION
Alan presses 2 keys on a display marked 'Vacuum Chamber': a bleeping sounds.
ALAN: "Confirmed complete contact, sir. Vacuum chamber is now ready for entry."
INT. EAGLE PASSENGER SECTION
ALAN (VO): "I'm returning Eagle to stand by on Launch Pad One."
The astronauts go to the port door.
EXT. SPACE (SFX)
Eagle lifts off, leaving its pod on the surface.
INT. VACUUM CHAMBER
The five enter; Helena closes the Eagle door behind them. Before them is a section of blue bulkhead, with the hexagonal outline of a door and a small control panel left. Koenig aims a detector at it, then turns to Victor.
KOENIG: "Victor?"
Victor walks up & looks through an instrument at the bulkhead.
KOENIG: "Any signs of life?"
VICTOR: "The metallic structure of the metal is very dense, but, ah,.. there's certainly no movement I can see."
KOENIG (using comlock): "Kano. Can you get us a Spectro X analysis?"
DAVID (on comlock screen): "Spectro X, Commander. Internal atmosphere..zero. Lunar gravity."
KOENIG (replaces comlock): "Helena. Decompress."
They all lower their visors. Helena uses controls by the Eagle door.
KOENIG: "Victor?"
VICTOR (lowering his instrument): "Looks like a central locking point."

-=Koenig: "I _know_ it "looks" like one of them but what is it?

Koenig puts his scanner near the door. A shrill sound.
KOENIG: "That's it. Stand back."
They all draw their stun guns. The blue hexagon splits in a vertical cross.
INT. KALDORIAN SHIP
The door opens and the astronauts enter. They walk in low gravity around the transparent cabinets in which the aliens lie. They look at one alien.
HELENA: "Suspended animation?"
KOENIG: "Could be. Alright, we've got to start somewhere. Tony, go back to the ship: bring back some lights and Doctor Russell's equipment."

-=Koenig: "...Since it's so damn dark in here."

The astronaut leaves. Koenig takes his comlock.
KOENIG: "Paul. Activate gravity control and atmosphere."
INT. MAIN MISSION
Paul operates the keyboard: a monitor screen shows a line forming waves.
PAUL: "You have gravity and atmosphere, Commander."
Simmonds stares out the viewport.
EXT. SPACE (SFX)
Kaldorian ship and Eagle pod.
EXT. MAIN MISSION
View in through viewport as Simmonds looks out. Alan enters.
INT. MAIN MISSION
SIMMONDS (walking to Paul): "Well, I hope they know what they're doing out there."
PAUL: "None of us knows for sure, Commissioner."
SIMMONDS: "Koenig could be in danger. Why is there no visual link up?"
ALAN: "Now hold your horses, Commissioner. We're all breaking our necks for a look."
SANDRA: "Visual coming up now, Commissioner."
-Big Screen (SFX): Koenig & Helena, visors up, with monitor at head of a case.
HELENA (VO): "E K G and E E G both negative."
KOENIG (VO): "There's absolutely no indication of life."
HELENA (VO): "If it was suspended animation, maybe the crash killed them."
-Main Mission: Simmonds
KOENIG (VO): "No heart function, no brain activity."
INT. KALDORIAN SHIP
HELENA: "And, as far as I can tell from radio microanalysis, the skin tissue shows no evidence of cell growth."
KOENIG (walks to look at Zantor): "Who were they? Where did they come from?"
VICTOR: "Well, you've taken every possible precaution. There's nothing else we can do."

-=Russell: "Yeah ---- I suppose If they ARE alive we might as well kill one just in case they believe in revenge!"

Koenig returns to Helena's casket.

When did Helena die?

KOENIG: "Right, let's do it." ((uses comlock)) "Stand by computer for biochemical analysis."
PAUL (VO): "Main Mission standing by."
Helena puts a hand drill to the top right corner of the head of one case. The drill starts, but then a red halo pulsates over the alien's head. They stand back. Inside the case are small explosions and bright light and smoke fill the cabinet. It clears revealing black ash in a humanoid form.
The central column pulsates three times. Halos form over the heads of the five other aliens, and the pulses grow in strength and regularity. One by one the five aliens sit up in their cabinets. The perspex sides slide down, & lights illuminate the spaceship. They swing their legs out, and stand.
They walk to circle the three Alphans, then Zantor walks to the empty casket and looks at the ashes. He then looks at the three Alphans.
FADE OUT
ACT TWO
EXT. SPACE (SFX)
Kaldorian ship and pod.
INT. KALDORIAN SHIP
Zantor picks up the ashes and lets them fall through his fingers. He looks at the Alphans.
HELENA: "All our instruments indicated that life no longer existed."
KOENIG: "Yes, we were convinced of it. Only then did we break the seal."
Zantor looks at them for a beat, then extends his hand to the casket. The aliens file around the casket. Zantor walks to Helena & offers his hand.
Helena takes it & the three are led to the casket. The aliens hold their arms up, bent across their chests with left hand uppermost. The Alphans imitate the ritual.
INT. MAIN MISSION
SIMMONDS (paces): "Come on, come on. What the hell's the delay?"
PAUL: "Maybe they don't live by lunar time, Commissioner?"
KOENIG (appearing on monitor): "Paul, have the Crash Units stand by. They're going to fly their space ship in on half power."
Paul types.
EXT. SPACE (SFX)
Kaldorian ship lifts off, leaving the pod.
At a 45o tilt the ship flies low over the lunar surface, passing a gravity tower.
INT. MAIN MISSION
Alan & Paul
-Big Screen (SFX): Kaldorian ship hovers over a pad.
-Simmonds.
EXT. LAUNCH PAD (SFX)
The Kaldorian ship settles.
PAUL (VO): "Crash units stand down."

-=Crash Units: "Um, sir, we weren't standing."

INT. MAIN MISSION
PAUL: "Maintenance Crew prepare to receive alien space ship." ((he types))
EXT. LAUNCH PAD (SFX)
Pad platform descends with ship.
PAUL (VO): "Security. Stand by Travel Tube to alien spaceship "
INT. MAIN MISSION
PAUL: " and prepare for visitors."
Simmonds leaves.

-=Paul: "Where do you think you are going?"

-=Simmonds: "To greet our guests ---- need I remind you that I am

your superior?"

-=Paul: "For the 8,000,000,000th time, No!"

INT. CORRIDOR
Simmonds pushes past the Alphans crowding the corridor.
SIMMONDS: "Excuse me."
Koenig, Helena and Victor lead the five aliens along. Simmonds walks in front of them.
SIMMONDS: "Well, Koenig?

-=Koenig: "Well WHAT???

SIMMONDS: I think you should introduce us."
KOENIG: "Captain Zantor - Commissioner Simmonds."
ZANTOR: "Your status, please?"
SIMMONDS: "I represent Earth authority here on Moonbase Alpha. And, in that capacity, may I say...welcome."
ZANTOR: "You represent Earth authority?"
SIMMONDS: "Yes. And may I first assure you that those responsible for the regrettable loss of your crewmember will be brought to account."

-=Zantor: "It's Okay ---- he was an Asshole anyway ---- we are glad

to be free of him."

KOENIG: "Commissioner, I take the responsibility."
SIMMONDS: "Yes, you must. As operational Commander."

-=Koenig: "No need to remind me."

ZANTOR: "We realise that the mistake that destroyed our comrade was from ignorance, not malice. We do not require judicial revenge."
KOENIG: "Captain. As soon as you've refreshed yourselves, I suggest we meet to discuss our situation. Doctor Russell will see you to your quarters."
As Helena leads them on, Simmonds pauses by Koenig.
SIMMONDS: "Be careful, Koenig. They may not be as friendly as they seem."
INT. COMMAND OFFICE
The aliens are in a circle, Zantor holding four glossy purple eggs. The others each take one and line up as he turns and walks down to Koenig, Victor, Helena, and Simmonds.
ZANTOR: "Please accept these gifts as peace tokens from the people of Kaldor." ((the other aliens file down, each passing over an egg to an Alphan)) "The Libra Bird was our symbol of peace and freedom, but like everything else on our planet it ultimately became sterile. When we left there was only two surviving pairs. And their eggs, when filled with gold, were greatly prized as memorials to our fading life."
KOENIG: "Thank you, Captain. We accept your gifts. May I ask how long you've been travelling?"
ZANTOR: "Approximately three and a half of your centuries. Our planet was dying. Our people sent out many ships, one to each planet we believed could sustain our kind of life."
KOENIG: "And your ship was programmed to land on this Moon?"
ZANTOR: "Only to orbit this Moon. And then we would reanimate and prepare for the final stage of our journey, to your planet, Earth." ((beat))
KOENIG: "Are you aware this Moon is no longer in Earth's orbit?"
ZANTOR: "Yes, I fear that random variations in your trajectory and velocity caused our computer to err, and so we have crashed."
KOENIG: "Well, it's remarkable your computer was able to find us at all."
ZANTOR: "It was so programmed. How could it do otherwise?"
SIMMONDS: "Is your computer capable of calculating the present position of Earth?"
ZANTOR: "Yes."
SIMMONDS: "And it's programmed to reach Earth?"
ZANTOR: "That is our prime directive."
SIMMONDS: "Should be ours too. Unfortunately some of us seem to have lost the will to achieve it." ((He receives some hard looks))
KOENIG: "So your hope is to settle on Alpha?"
ZANTOR: "If we are welcome, yes."
KOENIG: "But if you are not?"
ZANTOR: "Then we would submit ourselves to voluntary reduction. In your terms we would take our own lives."
Beat.
HELENA: "May I suggest that I run some tests to determine whether or not you and our people on Earth are medically compatible?"
VICTOR: "I'll help you to assess the damage to your ship."
KOENIG: "I'll leave you in their hands."

-=All except Koenig: "Oh way to pass the buck."

ZANTOR: "We are grateful."
KOENIG: "My pleasure, Captain."
Koenig & the others walk towards the office doors. Simmonds watches them, juggling his egg.
INT. MAIN MISSION
Helena leads the aliens & Victor through Main Mission, showing Tanya & the other staff her egg. Koenig walks to his desk.
KOENIG (to self): "A symbol of peace and freedom."
SIMMONDS (coming to him): "Perhaps the impossible doesn't take as long as we thought. Their ship is bound for Earth. Their computers programmed for going home, you just heard him say so."
KOENIG: "What are you suggesting?"
SIMMONDS: "Ha! Come on now. None of you thought we had a chance. This is it. All we need is the courage, the vision, ..and the leadership to seize their ship."
KOENIG: "And the Kaldorians?"
SIMMONDS (throwing his egg into Koenig's hands): "Expendable."
INT. MEDICAL
As Bob works with a female alien beyond, Helena adjusts a scanner arm at the seated Zantor.
ZANTOR: "Cryogenic deep freezing we found to be inadequate for suspended animation. The deterioration of the body can be slowed down but life itself cannot be suspended in that way. On Earth you freeze food to keep it fresh, do you not?"
HELENA: "Yes. We do here."
ZANTOR: "But the flavour fades."
HELENA: "The problem's the same all over the Universe."
ZANTOR: "Exactly. The flavour of life itself is lost. But our process is different. We have found a way of accelerating energy to create a Cycle which holds all the cell particles in stasis. There is no reason why that process should not be adapted to human use."
Helena takes a readout slip.
HELENA: "I find you sufficiently human, Captain Zantor."
ZANTOR: "Then you will recommend that we continue our journey to Earth?"
HELENA: "Yes."
ZANTOR: "Your beauty would be greatly enhanced by suspended animation, Doctor."
HELENA: "Thank you."
ZANTOR: "To be perfectly at peace for seventy five years." ((stands)) "That is the time our computer has calculated it would take us to reach Earth."

-=Helena: "Exactly 75 years?"

INT. KALDORIAN SHIP
SIMMONDS: "Seventy five years?"
ZANTOR: "The time will pass like a dream. In an instant. Commander, with your approval, we wish to continue our journey. And in order to do that, we must complete the repairs to our ship and leave within twenty of your lunar hours. It is impossible to reprogram the computer from its prime directive."
KOENIG: "Doctor Russell?"
HELENA: "They're medically clear."
ZANTOR: "Should you decide that we can go, there will, of course, be a vacant space on our ship."
SIMMONDS: "So one of us can go home?"
ZANTOR: "The similarities between us are greater than the differences. There is no reason why we should not suspend animation for one of your people."
KOENIG: "Well, thank you, Captain. It's a most generous offer." ((to Helena & Victor)) "Check out the process thoroughly and let me know."
SIMMONDS (hurrying after Koenig): "Koenig..!" ((they leave))
HELENA: "Captain Zantor, will you help us set up the experiment?"
INT. TRAVEL TUBE (SFX)
Unit speeds along.
Unit speeds along.
INT. CORRIDOR
Koenig leaves Travel Unit, followed by Simmonds.
SIMMONDS: "I know all that, Koenig, but if it'll work for one it'll work for others. Now, seize their ship and six of us can go home."
KOENIG (angry): "Shut up, Simmonds. Given any thought what Earth will be like in twenty seventy four?"
SIMMONDS: "Well, whatever it's like, it's still our home. Our natural home!"
KOENIG: "Simmonds! If that suspended animation process works the Computer will make a choice, an unbiased choice of one passenger from Alpha. You'll be eligible like all the others."
SIMMONDS: "Hmph. Including yourself of course."
KOENIG: "No."
SIMMONDS: "What?"
KOENIG: "No, and don't try to understand why."
SIMMONDS: "Look, Koenig. I ought to be the one to go. I mean I have no place here on Alpha. No function."

-=Koenig: "The hell you say ---- your job is to drive the rest of us

crazy!"

KOENIG: "Believe me, Simmonds. If I could rig that computer it would shout out your name. But you take your chance like the rest of them."
INT. MAIN MISSION
KOENIG (enters): "Kano. I want Computer programmed to select one person from Alpha to return to Earth. The answer's to be confidential and in code."
DAVID: "It'll take some time, Commander."
Koenig glances down to Simmonds, then goes. Koenig walks to his desk & sits. Victor appears on the desk screen.
VICTOR (on screen): "John. Serious emergency. The space ship. Immediately."
Koenig hurries out.
INT. EAGLE HANGAR
The Kaldorian ship, as a cargo pod is carried by crane overhead.

-=Space ship: "Oh no ---- that crane is gonna hit me!"

INT. KALDORIAN SHIP
Bob moves a scanner by Helena, asleep in a casket. He goes to a monitor screen, which Victor leans on. Koenig enters.
VICTOR: "There was every reason to believe it would work. Both computers confirmed it."
KOENIG: "Damn the computers."
ZANTOR: "She is not dead, Commander. Her life cycle is suspended in time."
KOENIG: "If you're so clever with life and death, Captain, bring her out of it."
BOB: "We're ready to try again, Captain."
KOENIG (going to Bob): "Do you know what you're doing?"
BOB: "Captain Zantor is in charge, Commander."
Koenig returns look at Helena.. Zantor touches an instrument stand with a perspex pencil-like tube. A green halo forms & fades over Helena's head.
Three more form.
KOENIG (going to Zantor): "It's not working."
Two more halos form & die over her head.
FADE OUT
ACT THREE
EXT. MOON (SFX)
INT. MAIN MISSION
Koenig enters, looking sullen. He heads to his office.
ALAN: "Commander. I had Kano run the Kaldorian data through the Telemetric Computer."
KOENIG: "What data?"
ALAN: "Well, the relative position of Earth, sir. It's that-a-way."
((points past Simmonds out viewports))

-=Koenig: "What the Hell are you doing? You can't seriously

expect to see Earth from here?"

-=Simmonds: "No, but I wanna be there first ---- just like all the

people who crowd around store doors when the store is just

about to open."

KOENIG: "Seventy five years. What's that in miles?"
ALAN: "Ah, yes, well. The Computer passed that one up. Pretty busy with other problems just now."

-=Koenig: "_WHAT_ other problems???"

KOENIG (slaps Alan's arm, cheered, and goes to Paul): "How are they doing, Paul?"

-=As Koenig walks away, Alan slaps the air in Koenig's General direction ---- imitating slapping Koenig back ---- making facial expressions.

PAUL: "Well, the boys have slowed up a bit, but the ship will be ready on schedule."

-=Koenig: "The boys??? Ain't we got no Girls working?"

SANDRA: "Commander." ((presses keys))
-Big Screen (SFX): triangular bulkhead rises to reveal Kaldorian ship in front of Eagle bays.
-KOENIG: "What's happening inside?"
-Big Screen (SFX): Zantor. Pan to Victor & Bob by Helena.
-KOENIG: "Thank you."
Koenig heads to his desk.
BOB (appearing on monitor): "Attention Commander Koenig. Commander, could you please return to the space ship. We need your advice."
Koenig leaves.
INT. KALDORIAN SHIP
Koenig & Zantor look at Helena.
ZANTOR: "Doctor Russell has been put into a deeper sleep than is right for the human metabolism. Our mistake was to accept your Computer's profile of her without question."
KOENIG: "Our mistake was to allow her to try the experiment at all."
ZANTOR: "We overestimated your computer's ability to analyse the human spirit. It does not seem to have understood it."
KOENIG: "Does your computer understand it?"

-=Zantor: "Did I not say it did not understand?"

ZANTOR: "Oh, yes. But in reanimating from so deep a sleep there is a danger of cell damage to the brain. The alternative is death."
Koenig looks at Helena. Bob sees a bleeping on the Alphan monitor.

-=Koenig: "So it's a choice between retardation and death? Well I really don't like the death option but I couldn't stand the kids calling me 'retardo' at school again ---- so I'll take death!"
-=Zantor: "No, not you! Dr. Russell!!!"

BOB: "Captain."
Zantor puts his tube instrument to a stand, causing the multicoloured tubes to glow. He rushes between the instrument stands.
VICTOR: "John. We must trust him." ((they look at Helena))
ZANTOR: "Commander?"
KOENIG: "Go ahead, Captain."
Two other aliens gather by Helena. Halos form over Helena's head, strengthening.
KOENIG: "Well, Captain?"
More halos form. Helena's hand, palm down, stretches & clutches. Her eyes open & stare up. Koenig looks at her anxiously as she stares up blankly.
Her hands rise to feel her face & she turns her head to look at Koenig.
Both smile.
INT. TRAVEL TUBE (SFX)
Unit speeds along.
INT. MAIN MISSION
KOENIG (enters): "Paul?"
PAUL: "The spaceship will be ready for countdown at oh nine hundred hours, sir."
Simmonds walks forward from the viewports.
SIMMONDS: "So one of us is going home?"
KOENIG: "Looks that way."
-Big Screen (SFX): a podless Eagle is carried over the Kaldorian ship in the hangar.
-David brings a readout from Big Screen.
DAVID: "Commander, I have Computer's choice for the return to Earth."
Koenig looks at it, then at the anxious faces watching him.
KOENIG: "Well, I see you all want to go home. I've asked Computer to chose one name. It's given me a list of three. Heh. A classic case of Computer buckpassing."
SIMMONDS (unamused): "Yes. Supposing you would just, ah, read the list?"
KOENIG: "No, Simmonds. I'm not decoding this until Doctor Russell convinces me the process is absolutely safe for us."

-=All: "Aw! Why not?"

ALAN: "Well, I don't mind giving it a whirl."
KOENIG: "Alan. Even if it works it won't be a picnic. Seventy five years is a long time."

-=All: "No kidding?"

ALAN: "Yeh, keep talking, grandad."
KOENIG: "Alan. We're not even sure the Earth still exists. Now, even if it does, our families, those we've loved, won't be there any more." ((Koenig looks at his comlock screen: it reads 'Lunar Time 8:55')) "Eight fifty five, Paul."
PAUL: "Five minutes to go."
KOENIG (goes to desk, where Simmonds stands): "Have Captain Zantor come to my office."
PAUL: "Very good, sir. On his way."
INT. COMMAND OFFICE
Continuation of above. Koenig sits at his desk. He puts his comlock down.
SIMMONDS: "You're supposed to be Commander. You shouldn't have left that choice to a machine."
KOENIG: "The choice must be an objective one."
SIMMONDS: "The choice is obvious. As Commissioner I'm not part of your team of experts here on Alpha. My work is on Earth. Now, one word from you and I can be on that space ship."
KOENIG: "Simmonds, I'll promise you only this. If the computer chooses you, you'll go with my blessings."
SIMMONDS: "And if it doesn't?"
KOENIG: "Then you'll wave goodbye with the rest of us."
SIMMONDS: "You know, I've been a politician all my life. I don't believe in chance."
Helena, Victor & Zantor then enter, & Koenig goes to them. Simmonds sees Koenig's comlock left on the desk & swaps it for his own before leaving.
KOENIG (to Helena): "Well! Welcome back to the land of the living. How do you feel?"
HELENA: "No after effects at all."
KOENIG: "Thank you, Captain."
ZANTOR: "There remains only one question to be decided, Commander. Who is going to accompany us to Earth?"
KOENIG: "Helena. Are you totally convinced it's safe?"
HELENA: "Well, we're beginning to understand the principle. The process will work if Captain Zantor's computer has a complete matrix of it's human subject."
KOENIG: "But if somebody other than Doctor Russell were to go?"
ZANTOR: "Then we shall have to make a matrix of the individual you choose."
INT. CORRIDOR
Simmonds runs to the Travel Tube door & enters, using Koenig's comlock.
INT. TRAVEL TUBE (SFX)
Speeds off.
INT. MAIN MISSION
KOENIG: "Goodbye."
ZANTOR (they shake hands): "Commander."
Zantor leaves. Koenig walks up to computer & David.
KOENIG: "Kano, I want Computer to make the final choice. One name." ((goes down to Paul)) "Paul."
PAUL: "Commander."
KOENIG: "Begin a countdown."

-=Paul: "10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Blastoff!"

INT. CORRIDOR
Simmonds runs up a corridor and slows, cautiously passing two guards at the doors of the 'Nuclear Power Station'. He moves behind the comms post opposite them, then jumps out to stun one guard, then the other as he moves round. He goes to the doors & uses Koenig's comlock.
INT. COMMAND OFFICE
Koenig sits at his desk, with Helena and Victor.
KOENIG (gesturing with comlock): "Victor. If the Computer chooses you, will you go?"
VICTOR: "I don't know. Maybe I've had enough of Earth and its so called civilization."
KOENIG: "What about you, Helena?"
HELENA: "I don't know. It is a nice idea."
Koenig looks at his comlock. He rushes through into Main Mission.
KOENIG: "Kano. Simmonds has my comlock!"

-=Kano: "Are you sure he is the one who has it?"
-=Koenig: "Yes!"

EXT. POWER STATION
Simmonds holds his comlock & laser: he opens the door to the Power Station to reveal a guard passing: he fires & the guard staggers back.
INT. POWER STATION
The guard staggers back into the desks, then Simmonds shoots two technicians as they rise from their desks. Simmonds walks down to the remaining technician.
SIMMONDS: "Now. You're going to do exactly as I tell you."

-=Technician: "What do you want me to do ---- stand on one Foot and hop while singing 'London Bridge Is Falling Down?"
-=Simmonds: "For starters, then..."

INT. MAIN MISSION
David takes a readout from computer & goes to Koenig.
KOENIG (taking the readout from David): "According to this Simmonds has proceeded from Main Mission to the Maintenance Section, and has just now entered the Power Station. Kano. Deactivate that comlock. And have Computer program an alternative command comlock for me.

-=Kano: "Okay, but this is the third time this Month, I'm getting a

little sick of this!"

KOENIG: Explain to the Computer as best you can.

-=Kano: "So the same as the Past two times?"

Sandra, put me through to the Power Station."

-=Sandra: "The place on Alpha or the One-hit-wonder Rock band from the 80's?"
-=Koenig: "Which do you think?"
-=Sandra: "Well duh..."

INT. POWER STATION
KOENIG (on comms post screen): "Simmonds. We have you on visual. You can come out peaceably or we'll come and take you out. Your choice."
SIMMONDS (to technician): "Open it. Open it!"

-=Technician: "You mean that thing which says, "DO NOT OPEN!?"

-=Simmonds: "Yes!"

The technician presses a button, then opens a small panel (marked 'Do Not Open') to turn a dial. He stands back as the wall unit rises, revealing a recessed panel with flashing signs: 'Danger'.
FADE OUT
ACT FOUR
INT. MAIN MISSION
KOENIG: "Paul, get security to seal off the Power Station, but no one's to move in until I give the order."
PAUL: "Yes sir."
KOENIG: "Sandra. Let's see what he's up to."
-Big Screen (SFX): Power Station.
SIMMONDS (VO): "Switch it off." ((The technician turns off the alarms)) "And the other." ((the lights stop flashing))
KOENIG (on comms post screen): "Simmonds!"
SIMMONDS (VO): "It's too late for talk, Commander."
KOENIG (on comms post screen): "Simmonds. You're trapped."
SIMMONDS (VO): "Really?"
-Main Mission: Koenig.
SIMMONDS (VO): " I know precisely what I'm doing."
INT. POWER STATION
SIMMONDS: "Open up."
The technician opens the central panel.
INT. MAIN MISSION
KOENIG: "Sandra. Let's see that close up."
INT. POWER STATION
A cylinder is pulled out of a central hole in the panel.
INT. MAIN MISSION
Lights fade.
PAUL: "Switch to reserve power."
KOENIG (as lights flicker): "Stabilise that back up power."
PAUL: "Trying to, sir."

-=Koenig: "No! There is no try ---- either do or do not! No try!"

INT. POWER STATION
SIMMONDS (holding up cylinder): "Now, listen to me, Koenig. This is my hostage." ((technician starts to escape, but is shot))
INT. MAIN MISSION
Sandra stands.
SIMMONDS (VO): "Koenig. Those men are just stunned."
INT. POWER STATION
SIMMONDS: "Now, don't make me kill anyone. No one on Alpha will live for more than thirty minutes without this unit in place."
INT. MAIN MISSION
Lights continue to flicker.
KOENIG (sharply): "Stabilise that power, Paul!"

-=Koenig: "Use the Force, Paul!"

SIMMONDS (VO): "Now, I go on that ship "
INT. POWER STATION
SIMMONDS: " or Moonbase Alpha freezes over. It's up to you."
INT. MAIN MISSION
SIMMONDS (VO): "What do you say now?"
PAUL: "Commander. Countdown is T minus twenty eight minutes. Do I continue counting?" ((Koenig looks at Helena & Victor))
KOENIG: "Continue. Simmonds. Put back that unit!
INT. POWER STATION
KOENIG: "Computer hasn't made the final choice yet."

-=Koenig: "I'm keeping the decision secret to build the suspense!"

SIMMONDS (VO): "Oh, yes! I know my chances, Koenig. Now, this way I go for sure. It's my decision."
INT. MAIN MISSION
KOENIG: "You have no right to make that decision!"
SIMMONDS (VO): "I got to being Commissioner by doing what was necessary, "
INT. POWER STATION
SIMMONDS: " not what was right. Now you have fifteen minutes to persuade your alien friends or freeze."
INT. MAIN MISSION
KOENIG (turns away): "Damn it. Hold the countdown. Get Captain Zantor here."
PAUL: "Captain Zantor to Main Mission, please. Captain Zantor to Main Mission."

-=Koenig: "No need to repeat yourself Paul."

((everyone looks at each other))
Paul: "If there's one man Alpha could do without it's Simmonds. I say let him go."
KOENIG: "Any decision we make on this must involve Zantor."
ALAN: "We can't, Commander. We can't let Simmonds jump the Computer."
SANDRA: "Moonbase systems are running down, Commander. We must decide soon."
ALAN: "Okay. So let Simmonds think he's going, Commander. We can take him on his way out to the ship. Especially with Zantor in the know."
VICTOR: "We can't afford to play games with that convertor."
HELENA: "It's wrong, John. But you've got to let him go."
Koenig looks at Alan. Zantor enters.
KOENIG: "Captain. Commissioner Simmonds insists on returning to Earth with you. Unless we agree, he'll destroy Alpha."
ZANTOR: "Is he capable of carrying out this threat?"
HELENA: "He is."
ZANTOR: "Then you must accept his terms." ((Koenig goes to Helena & Victor))
VICTOR: "I agree."
ALAN: "It's blackmail!"
PAUL: "Let him go, Commander. We'll be well rid of him."

-=Sandra: "Well rid of him?"

KOENIG: "Simmonds."
-Big Screen (SFX): Simmonds walks up.
SIMMONDS (on Big Screen): "Koenig. Your decision."
-Main Mission:
KOENIG: "We agree." ((to David, so Simmonds can hear)) "Program Commissioner Simmonds restricted access from the Power Station to the spaceship."
DAVID: "Yes, sir."
INT. POWER STATION
SIMMONDS: "Guarantees, Koenig."
KOENIG: "My word."
SIMMONDS: "Not enough."
INT. MAIN MISSION
A pause. Zantor steps forward.
ZANTOR: "Commissioner. You need our cooperation. I will be your hostage."
INT. POWER STATION
SIMMONDS: "I accept."
INT. MAIN MISSION
Zantor.
INT. CORRIDOR
Koenig, Helena & Victor leave the Travel unit.
KOENIG: "Captain. Here you are, Simmonds, you'll need this." ((hands him his comlock)) "Thank you Captain."
ZANTOR: "I understand your position, Commander. The Commissioner is..diseased. It is a tragedy that he should succeed through the use of force. My thanks, Commander." ((shakes hands with Koenig)) "Professor." ((shakes hands))
Zantor then goes to Helena & holds her hands. Simmonds indicates with his stun gun that Zantor enter the travel unit. They enter it.
EXT. LAUNCH PAD (SFX)
The Kaldorian ship is raised to the surface.
INT. KALDORIAN SHIP
Simmonds keeps his laser on Zantor.
ZANTOR: "You may now take your travel position, Commissioner. The rest is automatic."
SIMMONDS: "You first."
The aliens sit in and lie down in their cases. Simmonds them sits in his case, still watching them, and lies down. The side of his case slides shut.
EXT. LAUNCH PAD (SFX)
Kaldorian ship lifts off.
EXT. SPACE (SFX)
Kaldorian ship rises.
INT. MAIN MISSION
The Alphans watch.
-Big Screen (SFX): Kaldorian ship rising.
Koenig goes to Helena, smiling.
EXT. SPACE (SFX)
Kaldorian ship leaves Moon.
FADE OUT
EPILOGUE
INT. KALDORIAN SHIP
Simmonds' stirs. He raises his hands & looks at them, then feels his face & beard, pleased. He sits up & is pleased to see the aliens have not woken yet. He takes his comlock.
SIMMONDS: "Hello Earth. Hello, Earth. This is Commissioner Simmonds returning home. After seventy five years!"
INT. MAIN MISSION
Alan & Paul sit at their desks.
SIMMONDS (VO): "Hello, Earth. Earth Control, do you hear me? Come in, Earth. Hello, Earth. Earth?" ((Paul, Alan & Sandra look at each other)) "Earth, can you read me? Hello, Earth."
PAUL (presses button on desk): "Commander."
INT. COMMAND OFFICE
Koenig, Helena, Bob and Victor study papers on the conference table.
KOENIG: "Yes, Paul?"
PAUL (on comms post): "I'm getting a signal, sir, from the Kaldorian spaceship."
KOENIG: "What kind of a signal?"
PAUL (on comms post): "From Commissioner Simmonds, sir. He thinks he's approaching Earth."
The 4 hurry through to Main Mission.
INT. MAIN MISSION
Continuation of above as the big doors open to let them in.
SIMMONDS: "Hello Earth. Can you hear me? Earth? Hello, Earth. Earth, this is Commissioner Simmonds returning home. Can you hear me?"
KOENIG: "Zantor knew. He must have known."
VICTOR: "No, no. No, evidently Simmonds didn't give him a chance to make a matrix for his computer."
SIMMONDS (VO): "Hello, Earth. Earth?"

-=The Main Mission crew begins to chuckle, then as the Phrase laughter is contagious is true, they begin laughing out loud, until you could here the laughter from outside the base!

INT. KALDORIAN SHIP
SIMMONDS: "Earth, can you hear me? What's the matter with everybody?" ((comlock screen shows 'Lunar Time 11:48')) "Uh..It hasn't worked. It hasn't worked. K-Koenig. Koenig. Can you hear me, Koenig?" ((types comlock buttons))
INT. MAIN MISSION
SIMMONDS (VO): "You've got to help me, Koenig. This hasn't worked! You've got to help me! S..send somebody to get me, Koenig. Koenig, help me!"
KOENIG (quietly): "There's nothing we can do."
SIMMONDS: "Koenig. Can you hear me, Koenig?"
INT. KALDORIAN SHIP
SIMMONDS: "ANSWER ME!" (throws comlock at case wall & throws self against perspex)) "Koenig. Zantor! Zantor! ZANTOR! For God's sake, get me out of here! Zantor! Help me! Help me! For God's sake, Zantor!"

-=((and a few #$%!!!))

INT. MAIN MISSION
Koenig, Alan & the others listen.
SIMMONDS( VO): "Help me!"
INT. KALDORIAN SHIP
SIMMONDS: "SOMEONE! I've gotta get out! I've gotta get out!...For God's sake, help MEEEE..!"
He collapses, exhausted.
INT. MAIN MISSION
Koenig walks up to his desk and sits. Helena follows him.
HELENA: "John. Who did the Computer finally choose?"
KOENIG: "Simmonds." ((he tears up the readout))

-=Alan: "I wanted to frame that thing you just tore up!"
-=Paul: "Me too!"

EXT. SPACE (SFX)
Kaldorian ship flies into space.
FREEZE FRAME


Copyright (c) 1999. Reprinted with permission.
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Space:1999 is (c) 1976 by Carlton International Media.
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