Back to main page

Without You

Authors: Procyonstar
Categories: John/Helena
Episodes: Set during Black Sun
Show Year: Y1
Rating: PG-13
Date: 2010
A story based on the episode Black Sun and how it brought John and Helena together.
Average Rating: No reviews.

Lyrics are taken from the song "Without You" by P. Ham and T. Evans, sung in 1991 by Air Supply

No, I can't forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way the story goes
You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows
Yes, it shows

Moonbase Alpha

John held his breath as they filed from his office, willing himself to watch her leave and not go after her. Their eyes caught, time seemed to stand still...they shared a sad smile and then she was gone.

Every instinct told him to overrule Computer's directive and keep her here with him but, as Commander, his duty must be to Alpha. If, as he and Victor believed , the moon was not able to survive its encounter with the Black Sun, then those aboard the Eagle would be the final survivors from Earth's Moon base and he could not allow personal feelings, however deep, to jeopardise their chances of survival. Computer had been asked to choose the most viable personnel to allow for success and this it had done. Now all that remained was to see the Eagle off from its launch pad and await whatever fate the universe had in store for all those who remained behind.

He had made sure to say goodbye to each of the six, his duty as Commander.

A handshake, a few words of encouragement and a farewell to each to wish them on their way.

He had been deliberately withdrawn and aloof, however, when saying goodbye to Helena.


He'd needed to protect himself and the whole of the Moonbase from his personal feelings by keeping her at arm's length. It was vitally important not to let his emotions take over or he would have been doomed. He fought hard in those last few minutes to be the Commander and not John Koenig.

Since Breakaway everyone on Alpha had been caught up in a united battle for survival. Thrust into the unknown they'd fought together to overcome each new drama that'd unfolded around them, fighting for survival against all odds. As Commander, John had overall responsibility for each and every Alphan caught up in this crazy, uncontrollable journey that they'd had forced upon them. He did not accept this challenge lightly. Trained for command, he had so far been able to hold everything and everyone together despite some difficult situations, but recently...well for quite awhile now...he was aware that a problem was looming.

Since the death of his wife he had been alone. Their marriage had not been made in heaven, she resented his career and he'd not been the storybook husband she'd wanted. Over the years they drifted along in a kind of limbo neither really caring enough to push for change. The fact that John hadn't been around much only added to their emotional distance and though he was sad when she'd been killed...guilt was his main emotion. Guilt, because he'd not been the sort of husband she'd wanted and guilt because - if he was really honest with himself - he was a little relieved to be on his own again.

He'd had a few short relationships over the years since losing Jean but his main focus had been on his career and his love of Space.

The problem he now faced was that he couldn't remember the last time he'd had such adolescent yearnings and overpowering urges...

The problem came in a very attractive package.

He wasn't sure how it had happened and was slightly surprised, when in times of inward contemplation he examined his feelings, but somehow a certain Doctor had started to become very important to him.

From a difficult beginning, when they had both been suspicious of the others motives and had been 'played off' against each other by the powers that be at Space Control, they'd managed to form a good...if somewhat volatile working relationship. Each played a vital role in the day-to-day existence of everyone on the base and both shouldered the burden of responsibility well. They were strong people doing what they'd been trained to do...although under much changed circumstance. Their positions of authority on the base meant that their daily lives were tough and somewhat lonely and gradually their working relationship developed into a tentative friendship.

The events since Breakaway had allowed for a subtle shift in the dynamics on Alpha. It was vitally important that the Command structure throughout the whole of the base be upheld so that in times of crisis, orders were accepted and acted upon immediately for the wellbeing of everyone, but the unique circumstances they found themselves in allowed for a slight softening of this general order. People were adjusting to their situation and picking up the pieces of their lives...a sense of normality was beginning to make its presence felt. John saw this as a natural progression towards acceptance of their circumstance but acknowledged to himself that the traditional barrier between the Commander and his people should probably be maintained. He needed to keep the professional barrier in place and this had become increasingly difficult recently with regard to one person in particular.

As a colleague she was a friend, a comfort.

But this wasn't enough...he wanted more.

He was becoming more aware that his personal feelings were beginning to challenge his professional actions and was decidedly uncomfortable with how this made him feel. He had never been in such a situation before, in which personal and professional facets of his being were so strongly interwoven.

He was plagued with doubts about his ability to deal with the situation he found himself in. She was a distraction and it was getting harder and harder to ignore his feelings. In recent months several incidents had forced him to evaluate the effect his infatuation with Dr Russell was having on him and his command and he was no nearer to a successful solution.

She was always on his mind.

It was becoming harder and harder to keep his feelings at bay, to treat her as just another Alphan. To hide what he felt for her from others, to contain the urge to touch her, to stop himself from kissing her, to imagine her in his his his life.

Then, two days ago the screen in Main Mission brought up the vision of the Black Sun for all to see. Weeks earlier the Triton Probe had foreseen that this would happen...yet to see the blackness ahead was chilling.

In the last forty-eight hours the whole base had been a hive of frantic activity. Computer had been thoroughly challenged. Victor had spent hours poring over feasibility studies and Base technicians had been completely overworked putting into place the plan that Victor had devised. Despite the hours of frenetic activity however, John didn't have a good feeling about what was to come, about what lay ahead. He would lead everyone forward with hope, as was his duty, but he and Victor both knew that the success of the plan was flawed. It was highly probable that the moon and everyone on it would perish...and so be it. There was little that could be done. The force field would be in place but John held no faith that it would make any difference. All he could do was follow Computers guidance and launch the survival Eagle.

Give six Alphans the chance to live a little longer, the chance to maybe escape the fate that everyone else faced.

The last few hours had challenged him in a way he would never have imagined possible. When Computer divulged the six names he was numbed. He fluctuated between thankfulness that she would be given a chance and despair that he would have to let her go. It was a torture to his soul and he was eager for the whole thing to end.

A battle was being fought inside him and sometimes he felt like a spectator to his own life. Within him two forces challenged each other. The Commander, who needed to do his duty to his people and send her away and the man, John Koenig who just wanted to hold her in his arms and never let her go. He knew the outcome even as the battle waged. His years of training, his obligation to his people and his dedication to Alpha would only allow for one outcome. Although he knew how it must end he wasn't prepared for the agony tearing through him as time slipped away.

Computer's decision was final, his feelings unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

As he watched her leave he knew he'd hurt her...he had read it in her eyes, but maybe it was best this way...

for it to end before it had really begun.

Nothing had been easy since the beginning of this crazy journey through space. Who was he kidding......the weight of responsibility on his shoulders was sometimes more than he thought he could handle. Jeez...yes...ok...he'd wanted to get back to Alpha because it was the place where he'd always felt most at home...but to hold the lives of everyone there in his hands as they travelled through deep space and into the unknown was something he'd not expected to have thrust upon him. Just the sheer effort it took to get through each day took a huge toll on him. The continual struggle for survival was so tough that there hadn't been much time for him...for John...the man. Yet still, she had somehow, slipped under his defences. He just hadn't realised just how much until now.

The tension had been building between them for a while. As their roles on Alpha dictated, they'd spent large amounts of time working closely together and the awareness that John had felt deep in his soul the first time he'd seen her had grown into a hunger that sometimes threatened to consume him. Lately he'd been finding it harder and harder to concentrate whenever she was close by. It was as if one was dry tinder and the other the flame and John sensed that it was only a matter of time before things ignited between them on a very deep and intense level. He didn't think it was obvious to those around them...well he hoped it wasn't, because it sure as hell wasn't appropriate behaviour for a Commander...but sometimes all he wanted to do was rip her uniform from her body and make her his own...strip her naked and make passionate love to her, there and then, wherever they happened to be. Either way he wanted her desperately. Whether they were discussing a problem in Main Mission or sitting together during a Command Conference in his office, every time he visited Medical Centre...she was all he could think about...she seemed to bring out the animal in him. A lust that was totally unfamiliar to him...and it wasn't one sided...he was sure of that. They were colleagues and friends but there was something else too...even though neither had voiced what was between them, had not acknowledged openly the connection they shared - the awareness was there - they could read it in each other's eyes and sense it in the tangible electricity that surrounded them.

The unusual situation that they had found themselves in on Alpha and their positions of authority on the base contributed to his caution. Could they maintain a close working relationship and still be able to challenge each other professionally on a daily basis if they were 'a couple'. Would a romantic involvement cause conflict? Would there be the repercussions? How would fellow Alphans react to their relationship? What if it didn't work out?

Both sensed that if they acted on the attraction they both felt, there would be no going back...

He'd known from the moment he arrived on Alpha to take up his command that he was the focus of much feminine speculation...he wasn't arrogant, it was just...what it was. His position as Commander made him alluring to the opposite sex, a figure of power and intrigue, a fact that Alan enjoyed pointing out to him regularly and...if he'd been willing to play along he could have had his pick, had any number of casual encounters . The position of the 'Commander's Woman' could have been easily filled.

For some females the Commanders bed was a challenge, a trophy that would have been highly prized. But this wasn't his style. He had enough on his plate without that sort of emotional complication. He'd wanted no mix of professional and private life and yet, with her, he felt he was fighting the inevitable.

But now they would never have the chance...fate had stepped in and that was that.

He sighed raggedly with frustration and checked his computer screen, Eagle One was on standby and preparations for launch were complete. She would be on board for the next few days at least. He moved to a viewport and watched as the Eagle rose in a cloud of dust and headed away from the Moon.

And that was that.

They were gone...she was gone...

Alone in his office, he watched as the Eagle was lost amongst the stars. He closed his eyes and tried to steady his breathing...fighting to stay in control of emotions that threatened to overpower him. Despite not openly acknowledging his feelings for Helena in the past, he knew now...knew beyond a doubt, that it wasn't just infatuation he felt. He knew that he'd fallen in love with her. He loved her. He slammed his clenched fist against the cold glass, railing at the empty void ahead, furious with the unknown. He closed his eyes, remembering their last conversation when she'd stayed behind in his office and asked him to let her stay.

It was her life...she'd argued ...why did it matter where she chose to end it.

He'd told her that it mattered mattered very much him.

How he wished now that he could go back...just a couple of hours...have her here with him again in his office. Tell her how much she meant to him.

She'd still be on the Eagle...that was something that couldn't be changed, but she would have left knowing she was loved.

His anger was replaced with desolation as he realised that it was too late. He couldn't change the past. She was gone and as every second passed she was moving further and further away from him. His only consolation was that it would all be over soon...the Black Sun would swallow up the moon and with it Alpha and it wouldn't matter anymore...

Taking a deep, shuddering breath he realised that he needed to pull himself together and once again become 'The Commander', the strong leader they would all expect him to be in the hours that lay ahead.

As time ticked away and the base became colder he found himself drinking brandy in his office with Victor. Neither held any hope for the future and John was surprised by his lack of fear.

Nothing really mattered anymore. They had fought and lost their battle for survival and in the final moments he had expected fear...but there was nothing...

and as time melted around him and his past and present merged with his future - as all that had made sense became nonsense, as the unknown became known...

his only thoughts were of her...

No I can't forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrow
When I had you there but then I let you go
And now it's only fair that I should let you know
What you should know

I can't live if living is without you
I can't give, I can't give anymore
Can't live if living is without you
Can't give, I can't give anymore

And was over.

Lights flickered and Computer began to hum. Voices joined together to celebrate the Moons safe passage through the Black Sun and a feeling of euphoria swept through Alpha. The screen in Main Mission came to life and the awe inspiring spectacle of unknown Space was there for all to see. No one knew quite how much time had passed, how long the Moon had taken to journey through the Black Sun. Computer could give not firm data. Despite probing questions from Kano on the subject, all it would confirm was that Alpha was secure, Life Support was functioning to optimum levels once again and that the Moon was in a vast area of unchartered Space. Victor's shield had held and the Moon had yet again survived.

I can't live if living is without you

The Alphans once again picked up the pieces of their lives, dusted themselves off - metaphorically speaking and within hours a sense of normality had begun to return. There was much talk of the experience they'd all shared in the timelessness of the Black Sun. Descriptions and explanations were discussed animatedly by people relieved to have lived to 'tell the tale' and eager to share individual stories. Yet beneath the smiles and the banter there was an unspoken sadness, a sense of loss that needed no voice.

The screen in Main Mission was empty of anything but Space - John, standing alone by a viewport, was incapable of seeing the immense beauty that lay beyond the confines of the base.

I can't live if living is without you

Fate had played a nasty trick this time, to be sure. To twist the situation around so completely, John thought was very underhand. Those he had thought safe were now lost forever...and he felt personally responsible, despite the fact that he had thought he was doing the right thing at the time. His orders had sent them away and now he would be haunted by the sense of loss forever.

Eagle One

Those aboard the Eagle also had a tale to tell. Sent away from Alpha and given the slimmest possibility of survival, everyone onboard had mixed emotions. Sadness intertwined with hope, fear with the need to survive. Some had left lovers behind, most friends or colleagues and yet they had been given the chance of escape from the pull of the Black Sun.

As the Eagle flew away from Alpha...taking those onboard far away from everyone and everything they knew, one passenger onboard felt nothing more than a deep sense of loss. She had demanded to stay on Alpha - it was her life, didn't she have the right to choose where it ended? What difference could it make where she died? But despite her seniority, the one person who could have granted her, her wish, refused. In a quiet, sad voice he had told her that Computer's decision was final and that it did matter - it mattered very him.

There had been nothing else to say. No words held enough meaning to convey what she was feeling. Helena retreated behind her professional mask and did what had to be done. With quiet dignity she left John in his office, went to her quarters and busied herself packing what few personal items there would be room to take. Medical supplies and equipment were being taken care of by Dr Mathias on her instructions, so Helena allowed herself a few moments, in the solitude of her room to try and come to terms with what was about to happen.

She was very tired of being strong and capable.

As one of the 'Command Team', the time since Breakaway has been stressful to say the very least. Stressful...ha...that word almost made her laugh out loud...stressful didn't come near to describing the strained, tense atmosphere that had surrounded them since the accident a few months ago.

Actually there had been a huge amount of stress on Alpha even before Breakaway.

When Helena had been assigned to Alpha she became the first woman appointed to the position of Chief Medical Officer. She viewed it as a double blessing. She was intelligent enough to realise that while it was a prestigious career move, it also allowed her to run away from the loss of her husband Lee. As CMO on Moonbase Alpha, she could immerse herself in 'space medicine' and research, without really needing to live a 'private' life. CMO was a twenty four hour job, demanding total commitment. On Alpha most people lived and breathed their jobs. No-one would know the 'real' Helena. On Alpha she could hide away from the world...and give herself time to heal.

Initially her assignment had gone well. Hard work had paid off and she soon settled into life on the base. She built up a good team around her and thoroughly immersed herself in her research. She extricated herself politely from what limited social functions took place, preferring to keep herself to herself and although she was pleasant with her colleagues...there was a wall there that no one breached. In fact, most Alphans would have described her as cool and unapproachable...and this she wouldn't have minded. She was a private person and if truth be told, didn't really want any emotional ties. She was on Alpha to work, nothing else was important.

Then she found herself caught in the middle of a political battle centered around the launch of the Meta Probe. Commissioner Simmonds and Commander Gorski had made life on Alpha very difficult for her in the weeks leading up to Breakaway. She'd been caught up in a series of mistruths and a web of deceit, spun to hide what had been happening on Alpha. Gorski had been peeved that his Chief Medical Officer had not returned his early amorous advances and treated her with disdain and contempt until the day he'd left Alpha. When Gorski had been replaced by a new Commander she'd hardly dared hope things would improve.

Gorski had been an unwanted nuisance. Surely the new Commander...Commander John Koenig...would be more professional than Gorski. Before his arrival she'd heard some good things about the new Commander. Paul Morrow had worked with him before and had nothing but praise for his strong command abilities. Victor Bergman positively glowed when talking about their new Commander, apparently they had known each other for years. Went way back. Helena herself just wanted him to be professional and allow her to get on with her job without undermining her as Gorski had taken delight in doing.

Thinking back she recalled that her first dealings with the new Commander had been mixed. Straight away she had been taken aback by the immediate attraction she'd felt for him. If it didn't sound so crazy...she'd have said he'd taken her breath intense was the emotion he stirred within her. As he stood before her in her office in Medical Center she really did feel her world tilt on its axis. It was so strange to suddenly be overcome with such feeling for a man she'd never met before, for the first time since losing Lee, that it had made a huge impression on her. Secondly she'd been irritated by his conversation. He had clearly already formed his opinion of her without ever having been introduced. There was such a lot of political fallout from the problems with the Meta Launch that neither knew where they stood with the other. Who could be trusted, who was right and who was wrong. So their first meeting covered both ends of the spectrum...attraction and irritation. Not a good beginning she'd felt. It hadn't taken them long however to recognize similarities in their personalities, to realise that they were on the same side...and to accept each other.

Then had come Breakaway and for all on Alpha the realisation that they were now on their own...beyond help and reliant on each in a way never before imagined.

Throughout the months that followed that fateful day both she and John had gradually forged a strong relationship, both professionally and privately, one which Helena had come to depend upon. She had known for a while however that she wanted more...that she needed more, but hadn't been able to make the first move.

And now as she faced the uncertain future in front of her she realised it was too late. A tear escaped and slowly made its way down her cheek. She mentally shook herself. She mustn't give in to her feelings now. She had to keep going. She had to be strong.

Victor had been sweet and hugged her as she left the base but the Commander had not been there for a personal goodbye. She supposed that might have been for the best. In the state she was in she may well have made a complete fool of herself because she didn't think she could have stepped aboard the Eagle if John had been there. More than likely she would have thrown herself at him, hung on tightly and refused to let go...oh imagine the shame of being dragged from the Commanders body by full view of the others, and then being forcibly strapped into the Eagle. What would everyone think if the cool, reserved Doctor suddenly turned into a mad woman before their eyes, ranting and raving and professing love for their Commander.

Sitting in the quiet, slightly claustrophobic confines of the eagle, the thought brought a fleeting smile to Helena's lips and Sandra catching the look responded with a smile of her own.

Helena looked away and once again allowed her mind to wander.

Of course none of this had actually happened, because John had kept away and Helena had continued with the pretence that had become second nature since her arrival on Alpha.

In times of worry and stress nobody wanted a Doctor that was overly emotional...they wanted her to be cool headed...the ultimate professional...and this she had tried so hard to be for a long time.

She was just sad now that this had been at the expense of what she could have had with John...maybe.

Should she have done something about her attraction to the Commander when there had still been the possibility of time together? This thought kept going around and around in her head. Giving her no peace. Okay...they had both sensed that there was something between them but there just hadn't been the time or opportunity to take things further. Or was this just a lame excuse! Would it have been considered appropriate for the base Commander and his CMO to have an affair, a liaison? Certainly under Earth's Space Control rules, a 'relationship' between two such senior personnel would definitely have been frowned upon, more than likely resulting in one or even both being removed from Alpha. But surely that had to be in the past now. If there was to be any hope of a future for the Alphans as they continued on this mad journey, life needed to be as normal as possible. And wasn't love normal? Who could deny them both a personal life, in fact might it have been a good thing to have happened...a step towards normality...she gave herself a mental shake to stop her thoughts going back to where they had been many times over the last few days. It was way, way too late now for regrets, nothing could undo the last hours and everyone onboard would be expecting her to be strong. They would all need to be strong for what lay ahead. The more she thought about it the more obvious it became that they really didn't have much of a chance. Limited supplies and fuel would only take them so far and as there had been nothing on the long range scanners except for the gaping darkness of the Black Sun when they had left Alpha. What did anyone expect to happen? There was nowhere for them to go!

The atmosphere on the Eagle was hushed and subdued, each passenger seemingly lost in their own personal thoughts.

She came back to the present almost against her will. She didn't want to be here, to be in this situation.

Alan had come back awhile earlier to get some coffee and check out how everyone was doing. With his brash 'Aussie' humour he had tried to lighten the mood but failed dismally and soon retreated back into the cockpit. Helena let her mind wander to Alan, a safer topic than the Commander...she hoped. She knew he was good friends with John, that they had known each other before being assigned to Alpha and that they were 'mates' as he liked to say, but that was all she knew really...oh except that he was a great pilot, a bit hot headed sometimes and not afraid to speak out, but a very good pilot. There had been a few instances over the last few months since Breakaway when their paths had crossed, when they had needed to work closely together in sometimes dangerous circumstances and again she felt regret that her professional position had stopped her getting to know him as a person.

Oh this was too much...It was just too hard to be strong when she just wanted to curl up and sob, she was done with doing the right hurt too much...she just wanted it to be over...

I can't live if living is without you
I can't give, I can't give anymore
Can't live if living is without you
Can't give, I can't give anymore

And then they too spun out of control into fathomless blackness.

Sounds softened and lights dimmed...and the eagle seemed to dissolve into nothingness...

A strange sensation...almost painful...grew from nothing and enveloped everything...

Thoughts and emotions melded and merged with the universe...then...for those on Eagle One, as they passed through the Black Sun...there was only darkness...

Moonbase Alpha

John was alone in his office when the scanners picked up Eagle One. There, amongst the new vista they travelled through, was a slowly growing speck.

In Main Mission the growing speck on the screen caused much jubilation and John joined those on duty as they tried to make contact.

There was nothing but silence...and the tension in Main Mission mounted. Time ticked by and the Eagle grew larger and horrible thoughts raced into John's mind. He was almost too scared to allow himself to hope.

Alpha had made it through the Black Sun but we thought that was a miracle...they were in an could they have survived?....the chance was so slight.......he thought he'd lost her.......lost them all...what if they hadn't survived...what if the Eagle was bringing back a lifeless that couldn't be...that would be too cruel...but to hope and then to face the loss feel more pain...

Alan's voice...distorted with static...but recognizable broke into John's thoughts and Main Mission became a mad world of cheers and laughter and hugs as the tension was broken and the unbelievable became reality.

'Eagle One requesting permission to land...'

Yet another obstacle in their constant fight against the unknown had been overcome.

As the travel tube docked and the Alphans were reunited a party atmosphere erupted. It was good to be back together again. How it had happened no-one could explain...but something had brought the Eagle and its occupants...home.

John drew on every ounce of professionalism he could muster to welcome everyone back and to listen as stories were told. He was so acutely aware of her presence as she spoke with Victor and Alan that it was a struggle to keep his mind on his command duties.

Their eyes meet and held for the merest second but in that instant it was as if time stood still...and he knew that she was fighting just as hard as he was.

Helena struggled to be greet colleagues and answer questions...yet as their eyes locked and she sensed that he felt the same...the tight hold she had on her control threatened to snap.

As people began to drift away, onto more personal reunions or back to duty stations, John spoke quietly to Victor and then moved close to her. Taking her arm casually he guided her away from the gathering. There was no doubt in him that she would not go...there was no doubt in her that he would not follow.

Victor and Alan watched as they disappeared from view....both in their own way glad that finally two of the most intelligent people on Alpha had finally realised what had been quite obvious to, at least those closest to them, for quite awhile.

John led the way along quiet corridors to Helena's quarters...they were closest. As the doors slipped closed behind them there was no need for words....they could talk later. Both knew that they were on the edge, about to step into the unknown and that there would be no way back...but they both knew it was time.

For a long while they just held each other, content to be together at last. John wrapped her tightly in his arms only too aware of how close he'd come to losing her. He was almost scared to breathe in case this wasn't really happening and he suddenly found himself awake and alone. Helena, for once, thinking only of her needs, dissolved into his arms...feeling his closeness envelop her and soothe her shattered emotions.

It was just them...

Together in the dim quietness.

For the first time in several months neither gave a thought for anything but the moment they were in. They were content just to hold and to be held and allow the tension of the last few days to ebb away.

Then slowly the mood changed and the longing and yearning that had been ignored for so long started to get the upper hand. Just holding each other wasn't enough anymore...their eyes met and locked and slowly their lips followed. Gently they teased each other with lips and then tongues, tasting and kissing and ceased to be, as passion took over. Hands tangled in hair and mouths locked together as the fire that had been smouldering between them for so long finally ignited.

Uniforms weren't needed anymore...they were soon touched skin and a new tension started to build. Breathing hard, John stopped kissing her and with his hands caught up in her hair, gently but firmly moved her away from him.

Just to look at her.

Helena stood before him, for the first time as his lover...and as he gazed at her he caught his breath...

In the soft light he allowed himself to take in her beauty...she was all he'd imagined...a pale shimmering vision there before him. Green eyes, shadowed with arousal watched him intently as his gaze travelled over her body. She was beautiful. Sheer perfection.

Slowly his hands moved from her hair to her face, his fingers tracing the contours of her face, his thumb lingering on the outline of her full lips. Helena caught his thumb between her teeth nipping sensuously at the soft pad and drawing a low growl in response. He wanted her so desperately, but he also wanted the moment to last forever.

Her body strained towards him, frustrated at the interruption, straining for contact with him again.

Her breasts were...exquisite...the dark, pebbled nipples thrusting out towards him, impatient for his touch. He ached with his need for her.

Smiling softly...his hands left her face and slide down her arms slowly drawing her to him once again. Helena almost collapsed with the intensity of the emotion flooding through her as his hungry mouth sought out, first one taut peak, then the next...her fingers tangling in his hair...holding him even closer...her body arching towards him in a silent, instinctive plea for more. His hot mouth sending wave after wave of pleasure through her body.

The sight of his dark head, so intimately caressing her breast, made her moan with a deep primeval yearning. John caught the moan as it left her lips...with a kiss so hard and demanding, so filled with passion and desire, so intense and erotic that it drove them both beyond reason...

Helena was drowning. Drowning in the wonder of the moment.

Somewhere in her subconscious she was aware of her surroundings...aware of the incredible feelings, flowing through her, but she was totally overwhelmed by each new wave of sensation as soon as it hit her. Imagination was no substitute for the real thing and now that she had the real thing, here, in front of her, she was almost beyond control.

She sensed how close to the edge he was. She also acknowledged that he drove her wild. Wild with a capitol W...the feel of his skin...the feel of his lips on her body...his taste...his smell...Every part of her cried out for him and for the release that only he could give her.

Suddenly they were on the floor and nothing mattered any more but their need for each other. Mouths ground together, bodies jerked and writhed in desperate need, limbs, sheened with sweat, locked and entwined...and raw emotion took over. Finally bodies joined at last...they made love with a passion that neither could...nor wanted to control, two bodies melded together as one, hungering for a release that, when it finally came...shocked them, almost into oblivion, with its force.

The Commander and the Doctor slowly came back to Alpha, lying in a tangled mass on the hard, cold floor, naked and exposed , bodies bruised with the tumultuous passion of their union...



What was there to say...

John's arms tightened and he gently kissed her face, salty and wet with tears of love.

'That was...some...reunion, Dr Russell' He quipped softly, his eyes dancing, a smile tugging at his mouth.

Helena met his gaze, just a little embarrassed and then bent her head to kiss his chest, causing him to catch his breath, 'Yes...quite some reunion Commander' She murmured, marvelling at the effect her kisses were having on him.

Moments passed and they were content just to be...then after awhile, as coolness wrapped itself around them, they moved together to the shower...allowing the hot, steamy water to soothe their aching muscles...shuddering, as again their passion ignited. As Helena allowed her sudsy hands to move teasingly over John's firm, hard body, she felt him respond...and reciprocate and once again she was beyond any rational thought and they were both swept away with the intensity of their need for each other...

Sometime later...Helena found herself wrapped firmly in John's arms, lying on her bed. For the first time in as long as she could remember she felt safe. She tested the word again in her head.


Out deep space...goodness knows how far away from Earth...she felt safe!

'What?' John questioned, catching the hint of a smile on her lips.

'Oh I was just thinking how this could become a habit Commander' she whispered softly into the darkness.

'I think...I'd like that...Dr Russell' he said, gently kissing her upturned face.

He tightened his hold on her, thanking every God he'd ever heard of, for his good fortune. Burying his face deep into her hair and breathing in her scent. He wanted to hold her like this for the rest of his life.

'I love you...' John murmured almost silently into her hair, turning her to face him so that he could watch her reaction.

Helena gazed at the face before her, losing herself in his eyes...overwhelmed by John's words, yet accepting them immediately. Could this really be happening? This was what she'd been unconsciously, waiting, for so long, to hear. Her eyes, sparkling with unshed tears, shone with love for the man beside her. She raised her hand and pulled him down to her...catching his lips in a kiss full of exquisite promise.

'And I love you too...' she moaned into his mouth, slowly deepening the kiss, until once again they left the Moonbase far behind them and travelled together into their own private universe. A universe filled with kisses and touches, with overwhelming sensation and bodies slick with passion...a universe filled with their love.

Later, much later as they lay together kissing and touching, whispering secrets that only lovers share, both were deeply, deeply thankful for this second chance. After everything they'd been through since Breakaway, after the trauma of the last few days, how could they continue to deny their feelings for each other. Maybe it was too soon to go 'public', maybe they would keep it to themselves for a little while longer. It would be their secret.

Both knew that their respective lives on Alpha had now changed and that they would go forward together and become stronger because of it. But they agreed that they needed time to adapt to the new situation. The confines of the base would mean keeping a personal and professional life separate would require some skill and they wanted to allow themselves a little privacy to work on any issues that might arise before they became a couple in everyone's eyes.

They had each other now.

No matter what the future held they would be there for each other. For a long time...and for many different reasons, neither had been able to truly be caught up were they in the day to day traumas that life on Alpha threw their way. Now they would be able to find comfort and release in each other's arms. Find a way of escape from their pressured lives, something they were both in desperate need of.

Soon the Commander would be needed in Main Mission and Dr Russell would be expected in Medical Centre...soon their responsibilities would take precedent once again, the consequences of their roles on Alpha would fill their time, but for awhile longer it was just them...together.

Copyright (c) 2010. Reprinted with permission.
Space:1999 is (c) 1976 by Carlton International Media.
All stories are the property of their respective authors.

Database last modified in 2018.

If this page does not display correctly, switch to the Plain Text layout